My Way of Life

I, of course, have read, seen, and can virtually quote the dialogue from the film "MommieDearest", (just like the rest of you--- LOL!) so all I knew about this Hollywood icon was from anadmittedly one-sided autobiography of an allegedly abuseddaughter. In Christina Crawford's book, she says that JoanCrawford used scheduling, planning, and military disciplineevery day so that life would hold no surprises, and so hermother could control every second of it- almost like an OCDtype of ritualistic behavior so that bad things won't happen.This book, if nothing else, totally validates that part of herdaughter's book. I am telling you the truth, this womanPLANNED EVERYthing, right down to the second, and she BRAGSabout it. I don't think she ever did a spontaneous thing in herentire adult life. Joan Crawford gives us advice on how to eat,how to talk to your mate, how to sleep, and even how to STAND, for goodness sake. If you think I'm exaggerating, even slightly, PLEASE buy the book. The sad part is that you can really tell she means well. Here are a few examples of her thoroughness, almost word for word, from the book. On eating: NEVER have two foods of the same color on your table- for instance, mashed potatoes and cauliflower, or strawberries and tomatoes, because it doesn't look right. On serving food at a dinner party: It is an insult, nay, a crime, to serve your guests food on plates right out of the cupboard, as there's nothing easier than having your MAID stack said plates in the oven for a few hours before the party commences. If you don't do this, you are, at best, a mediocre to poor hostess. On storing clothing: she always hung her dresses on satin hangers (NEVER wire ones- and if you don't know that little tidbit, you haven't been paying attention since 1978), and she always pins gloves that match exactly to the hangers, along with scarves,etc., so she'll know where to find them. Here's one that captures her way of thinking in a nutshell: after she divorced her second husband, actor Franchot Tone, she called her maid and instructed her to handpick all the monogrammed linens free of the letter "T", since she no longer carried his last name. The maid had literally picked thread that formed the letter "T" out of hundreds of towels, handkerchiefs, sweaters, you name it (Ms. Crawford believed in monogramming everything). While the maid was working on an extra large towel one day, and listening to the radio to try to keep her sanity, she heard an urgent newsbreak- Joan Crawford had just eloped and married another actor- a man named Phillip TERRY! That meant- you guessed it- ALL the monograms would have to be resewn. The poor maid lost it at this point, according to Joan herself, and ran down the hall screaming "I quit! I quit!", over and over, until she had to be forcibly restrained. When Joan heard about it, she chuckled -- and hired a new maid. Here, in parting, are a few tips from Joan. DON'T stand with your feet together. Always put one slightly in front of the other. This aligns your spine and makes you look more... well,I never did figure out more what. Tip #2: if your husband pumps gas all day, draaag all the details of his day out of him, no matter WHAT he says. Borrow a book on the manufacturing and dispensing of gasoline, from your local library, so you can be "on his level" when he tells you all about his day. Pretend to be interested, because there's a woman at his job during the day that really IS. Finally, never let your husband see you exercise or groom yourself- make him believe that you have a naturally svelte body, pretty face, and perfectly coiffed hair. Joan once said- with an air of nostalgia,yet- that HER husband, Al Steele, former Vice-President of Coca-Cola, and later Chairman of the Board of Pepsi (with Joan Crawford sitting in on all of his meetings, and raising her manicured hand when she had a question, just like the fellas), NEVER saw a curler, or a dust rag. She said (and I really DO quote) "I hope he never knew such things existed!" Final helpful hint, average housewife to average housewife: DON'T EVER let him see you shopping for mundane, domestic products. Make him think that soap, detergent, toilet paper, and so on,"MAGICALLY SPRING, READY- MADE, RIGHT OUT OF THE CUPBOARD!" How's that for keeping the romance alive? I cannot convey how bizarre her thinking is in one short book review. I tried to tell my brother about how zany it was, and he was rather non-commital when I gave him a brief synopsis, and then solicited his opinion-but after I talked him into reading it, we discussed the book, he with a practiced look of concern. He said someone reslly should have gotten her to a psychiatrist, and then he laughed ,hysterically, for a few solid minutes. I should add, for the record, that my brother is in his final year of completing a graduate degree IN PSYCHOLOGY, so he's seen 'em all....all,that is, until he met "Mommie Dearest"......

Don't even start this book without the following Ingredients because you'll be wasting Joan Crawford precious time.Be thoroughly prepared for the day's plan of action. Always write things down the night before so you know where every hour, minute and second is going in your 24 hour day. If possible plan your day's Two week's to a week in advance.That's Joan Crawford just letting us know she's busy, so busy at one point I was wondering if she was going to draw for breath, because as she puts it, I had to cramp this book into just six weeks while doing two other main Jobs at the same time. Well Joan not for a minute did anyone think you wouldn't get through it.Ingredients.......1 Apron,1 Rolling Pin1 Make up bag rearranged to meet your need's, you never know when those unexpected and unwelcome visitor's might turn up.(also known as time waster's)Your day and evening outfit laid out and pressed, shoes and accessories to match.(always look ready to go)Willing to bring 100% Confidence and Positive attitude with you.(anything less must be addressed straight away, tackle face on, overcome those fears)For those of you who have met the loves of your lives, always have his pipe and slippers ready because your treasure has had a long day at the office and needs his quality time on his own.(For us modern day women that's the latest issue of FHM and a Beer)Research what your treasure does in his day to day routine in work.(You can talk shop (work) when he get's home, this will be a productive and intelligent conversation and he'll love you all the more for it)Remember if Joan can't afford that caviar then neither can we.Above anything else if that telephone rings while your engrossed in this enchanting book, don't take the stroppy and grumpy attitude road, pick up that receiver and start with "Hello isn't life wonderful"Believe me this is me just skimming over the Surface.... my favourite has to be where she goes to her husband's business meeting's, because she needs to know all aspects of his life, and encourage's the other wives to take interest and to pop along.Joan Crawford loves to surprise people, no one was more surprised than myself. Joan came across as warm and friendly which would throw anybody. Loaded with a sense of humour. smart and intelligent. You almost feel she has dug deep listed what went wrong in her life and researched herself to get it right. This book is about how to make it in life with Joan Crawford. A step by step guide of how to achieve bliss and happiness in your work, home, kitchen and love life and in Joan's way she pulls it off completely.Beg, borrow, or hunt down this book for your collection, it may come at a price but you are simply missing out on life for not reading this. It's really quite wonderful and enlightening.

Although written - dictated! - in 1970/71, Joan's mind and attitudes were clearly still in the 1940s/50s! I actually found myself reading it in her voice, it is so obviously her own words. Slight on substance, but a camp classic for fans of Lucille Fay LeSueur to utterly relish!

Joan at her bonkers best. If you are having a dinner party, Joan suggests you invite a Hollywood starlet and an artist with a beard. OK Joan, whatever you say.

Good read gets boring towards the end

Enjoyed watching Joan Crawford the actress, wanted to know about Joan the person.An interesting read.

Good if your looking for a nostalgic read