Real Sex: The Naked Truth About Chastity Audio CD – Unabridged, June 1, 2006

Lauren Winner, author of  Girl Meets God: A Memoir  and recently,  Mudhouse Sabbath: An Invitation to a Life of Spiritual Disciplines (Pocket Classics) , put out a book in 2005 titled, Real Sex: The Naked Truth about Chastity. And that's exactly what Winner designs to do: talk about sex in a realistic fashion, from a biblical worldview, that allows us to get past various myths about sex, including the highly eroticized and romanticized beliefs on sex we frequently absorb from both the world and the church.You're familiar, no doubt, with the statistics on Christian sexuality. We don't stand out as very different in our sexual behavior, which means our basic beliefs and ideas about sex must not be that different either. If all those books in the "Christian living" section of the bookstore aren't helping us develop ideas regarding our sexuality that differ from social norms; if they aren't helping us believe that what the Bible has to say about sex is relevant and true, something isn't right. So what makes Winner different? Real Sex offers an alternative to the magazine-like "Seven Secrets to Sexual Purity" by stretching beyond spoon-fed "dos and don'ts" derived from proof-texted Scripture, and instead, presents the case for sex within marriage from a holistic, biblical view of who we are and how we relate in the world sexually.From the creation-fall-redemption narrative presented in the Arc of the Gospel, Winner posits an important part of who we are is that we are embodied, and the main way in which we relate in the world sexually is communal. Chapter three is aptly titled, "Communal Sex: Or, Why Your Neighbor Has Any Business Asking You What You Did Last Night," and helps remind us that community is a part of the creational order. Winner reminds us that Scripture flies in the face of our over-individualized, over-privatized American way, exhorting the community of the faith to be intimately involved in one another's lives.Already we're presented with a meaty alternative to the false views of sex, or we could say, unreal sex propagated in force by our surrounding culture. The next two chapters speak truth against the lies about sex we hear both from our culture and from some of our churches. These chapters give readers an opportunity to take a step outside of their everyday, cultural surroundings and consider them.Winner points out that society tells lies like "sex can be wholly separated from procreation" (64), cohabitation is a good practice-run (68), modesty doesn't matter (71), and "good sex can't happen in the humdrum routine of marriage" (77). And despite an effort to do right and protect the biblical ethic of sex within marriage, and with honorable intentions, "the church tells a few fibs of its own" (85). Winner chooses to discuss four of these fibs: "premarital sex is guaranteed to make you feel lousy" (85), "women don't really want to have sex anyway" (90), "bodies (and sex) are gross, dirty, or just plain unimportant" (93), and finally, if we've gotten over the idea that bodies are bad, now we're obsessed with technique (97), as obsessed as our secular counterparts.The last few chapters of Winner's book touch on topics such as kissing, pornography, and masturbation, and dish out practical, and I think rather good and helpful, ideas to guide us in practicing chastity within our caring Christian communities. Winner reunites chastity with the other spiritual disciplines, and talks about what marriage, children, sex, and singleness teach the church, why each is important in God's economy, an economy of repentance and forgiveness. Placing sexual purity back within a story that's bigger than itself makes the issue of chastity important again, re-giving it meaning by re-giving it context.

This Book was a needed correction to the Purity Culture books that preceded it and some of the chapters are great. (Unlike many of her predecessors, she acknowledges that women like sex too!)However, the author was newly married while writing this book, and it is evident that she is not very happy in her marriage. Her chapters on marriage are pretty bleak. She later divorced.Some newer options:Talking back to Purity Culture - Rachel Joy WelcherGreat Sex Rescue - Sheila GregoireShe Deserves Better - Sheila Gregoire

I had a Spanish roommate in seminary that chided Americans for being too uptight when it comes to sex. The Christian book market is a prime example of this shortcoming. I've grown weary of books that are little more than Scripture passages and "scared straight" stories about the dire consequences of moral failure. But "Real Sex - The Naked Truth About Chastity" is a welcome exception to that trend. It acknowledges the fact that sensual sin tends to feel good, which is why so many partake in it. No, the author doesn't blow off the Bible or advocate immorality. What Ms. Winner does is illustrate the truths behind the Biblical passages concerning chastity in a scholarly and thoughtful way. She has a very adult (i.e. mature) take on the subject, although teens would benefit in a preventative and proactive sense from Ms. Winner's insights.Based on her writing style and literary references, Ms. Winner is obviously an intelligent and well-educated Christian woman. She's not a super-functional guru in the cult of virginity who is so heavenly minded that she's no earthly good. Instead, she is refreshingly honest about her weaknesses, including her brushes with fornication during her BC days and as a new believer. However, she doesn't try to whitewash or justify her failings, nor does she engage in self-flagellation. Instead, Ms. Winner evaluates her actions (and subsequent growth) within a Biblically based context. She does a much better job defending the Scriptural ideal of chastity via her thoughtful approach than the shock and awe crowd does with their "God says it; that settles it" attitude.That doesn't mean Ms Winner forsakes the authority of the Bible. Instead, she expands on the reasons why God would decree that fornication and adultery are sin, and why chastity is a spiritual discipline, much like fasting and prayer. For example, adultery damages the family, which is the foundation of any community. In addition, it creates disharmony in the larger community due to broken friendships and mistrust. In contrast, practicing chastity benefits the community by strengthening trust and grounding relationships in love and respect. This kind of reasoning shows the universal truths that Scripture contains, thus demonstrating it's relevance for us today. Also, I appreciated her defense of singleness and celibacy, especially using Christ's life as an example. As one who is still unmarried in his late thirties, I've felt more and more marginalized by the typical family-oriented church. Ms. Winner brings this problem out of the shadows and confronts the church to appreciate its singles and tap their potential instead of shunting them off into singles' groups.There are a couple spots where Ms. Winner's reasoning was a bit too academic for my taste (understandable, since she's working on her Ph. D. in American religious history at Columbia). In addition, I would have liked her to deal with chastity as it relates to homosexuality. But these are minor complaints, and overall this is a fine and necessary work. It's safe to say that over time she'll take a high place in the pantheon of Generation X Christian writers and thinkers. "Real Sex" is the real thing when it comes to addressing the Christian discipline of chastity. Bravo to Ms. Winner for her take on this controversial subject.

This book explained what no one else in church/bible study had ever been able to explain to me. I grew up in church and knew that I was not supposed to have sex before I was married, but no one could give me a straight answer as to WHY. I knew that a pregnancy out of wedlock was not the best situation...and I knew how to prevent that...so what is the problem? I knew that a sexually transmitted infection could lead be devastating to a person, but I knew how to prevent that too, so again...what was the problem? And I read this book as a MARRIED Christian woman! I love that she mentions that single Christians are important to communities and that they are the closest representation to Christ. I also love that Winner refers to C.S. Lewis as well . Too many good things to say about this book! It completely changed my views on Christian sexual ethics and made me a stronger follower of HIM.

This book was a page turner. I read it all in one day. I have a fuller understanding of what I would like to teach my children about this discipline we always talk about but never really get to the heart of.