Why Do They Act That Way? - Revised and Updated: A Survival Guide to the Adolescent Brain for You and Your Teen

Once I started noticing some changes in behavior of my 12-year old daughter, I decided to get educated a bit before a big frustration hits me. I downloaded the first chapter of some 15 books focusing on the teenage/adolescence issues (thanks to Kindle concept - one can download the first chapter for free to get an idea what the book is all about - the bonus is that you have the table of contents, so you can get the style and the structure of the book upfront. I also read all the reviews on Amazon and I hope my review will be helpful for someone. This particular book was the best of all - (1) well structured, (2) very informative, (3) with stories and lessons learned, (4) covering the whole array of sensitive/taboo topics sex, drugs, alcohol, etc., and (5) with the down-to-ground recommendations, which not only provide good guidance on what to do (engagement, communication, sincere conversations, corrective and peaceful punishment based on agreement/consequences, etc.), but also let you know what not to do (waking up teens very early in the morning, nagging, preaching, showing no interest in their lives and actually not spending some time with the kids, not forgetting about the challenges the teens face each day - puberty, changes in body shape, pimples. I have read the book during some two weeks (even though I could've done it in a few hours) while commuting to work and back. And that helped a lot, as it you conceive the concepts and ideas slowly, almost making them your own - this is what I would advise to anyone - read it a couple of chapters at a time. What can I say? This is the best book I've read on the topic. And when I see some helplessness in the eyes of the parents during the parent conferences, I advise to buy and read this book, and even one time I lent my Kindle to a friend to make him read the book. I'm originally from Ukraine where counseling in school has yet room for improvement and to help other parents I would just translate a designated chapter in Google translate online and even in that half-cooked version, parents were extremely happy to find some answers. Recently I moved to Austria and now my kids go to the Vienna International School. Excellent school, but the adolescence has nothing in common with good infrastructure. During the parents conferences there were some discussions about the alcohol, drugs, etc., and still I could see that no handouts or short presentations would give the full picture to the parents as all those issues like sex, alcohol, drugs, parties, anxiety, stress, puberty, etc., are very interrelated and one just cannot get the full picture based only on one topic. I realized it doesn't matter where you are, as a parent you are faced with the same problems especially given the globalization when iPhones, Internet and other fancy things are almost standard in every country; and the behavioral patterns are adopted from the movies and fashion movements. So I often recommend this book as the main eye-opening resource for the parents at any time, whether their kids are 8, 10, 12 or already 16, no matter which country they are in. As the author maintains the adolescence starts some time at puberty and ends who knows when (could be 20s and could be even 30s - it's my own observation). And our assignment is to learn the implications and consequences as parents, as there are more challenges and social and economic pressure in modern life then as we had some 25 yrs ago. And the trick is that while the variables grow (more exposure to TV, Internet, online communities, clubs, bank loans, easier payment systems - one click purchase, dealers of pills in school, more business trips for parents as the companies save costs on staff, etc.), the fixed things remain the same (24h day, some 4 hrs left during the working week for yourself and family, constant or even shrinking cash flow, etc.). And the parents need some help in solving the problems and addressing the challenges effectively, without creating the bottle necks in communication and further problems, exacerbating the situation - "I'm the boss and you have to obey". This concept can be conveyed in a modern way much more politely and with respect based on fair attitude and agreement. Otherwise, as my son puts it when justifying his negative response to his sister's request to get the garbage out: "I agreed with the request to clean, but after seeing the aspect of her face and hearing that intonation in her voice, I just couldn't help saying NO. And I bet you wouldn't either.":) Now all are aware of mutual respect and we try to maintain the spirit, especially when I quote some stories from the book (kids love to hear about someone else being wrong - they start brainstorming and providing recommendations, which helps themselves in the end). So, five stars at any time. If you look for a decent, structured and comprehensive insight into the adolescence issue, don't go further, this is it. Just read it from cover to cover (and certain chapters several times) and discuss it with your spouse. I ended up giving the book to my daughter when she started exaggerating and developed some anxiety (too big nose, bad skin, bad hair, etc.). I must say it helped a lot. She confessed that she read the book from cover to cover and understood what I was worrying about. She stopped doing some irrational things, though in some areas I had to give her some slack just to get bumps along the road and learn for herself (harmless things). I should also mention, that this book requires that you as a parent develop new skills and behavioral patters (discussions, get togethers outside of the house - very helpful as it puts you on equal footing outside your usual environment - i.e. no hard feeling who's the boss for instance in the restaurant or cafeteria rather than at home when kids feel defensive). It also requires some mental work to absorb the concepts, etc. If you have patience to read and get along with the the user manual of a new TV or any electronics gadget, you'll be just fine with this book, otherwise it might seem too complicated with some scientific explanations, which I liked BTW. So it helps if you read it chapter by chapter. Finally, I would summarize that if you want to be a responsible and loving parent, buy this book and learn it almost by heart - it would help you to parent with a proven concepts and guidelines that work. It gives you confidence because you know what can happen and actually what is being happening with your kid at a given moment. I.e. all kids get crazy at the "teen" age when you take them for a trip to another city, etc. because "it's much easier to watch TV at home, it's better to sleep longer, and then play with the friends outside, or just spend time alone with no parents". And knowing what happens before and after the trips, I always insist on joining the family and I try to arrange some entertainment along the way. I elucidate my kids what impressions they might have along the way - things to see, we discuss the route, I provide them some historical background, etc. And while the reaction is slow and ignorant at times, they always feel happy to be on the road and actually share their experiences with the friends with excitement. And because of the hormonal change, they tend to be sleepy all the time, so we take some extra pillows in the car to help them through, and I take it easy on the turns to keep them happy without throwing up - and they are thankful that we understand their challenges and are more responsive later on. This is one small example how I use some knowledge borrowed from the book; and in reality once you have the core knowledge, you just go ahead and adjust on the way as you deem necessary - improvise and take it easy. The main thing is that you get the information what is out there and how far even a lovely and peaceful child can go if left alone for him- or herself. And the ideas get absorbed even better when you hear other parents discussing their problems in school and then you'll know for sure that the book is a great source of information. Having handled the routine with the small kids in their first 2 years of life, most parents feel the relief and when the kids turn, say, 12 or 14, things start to change. That happened to my family. And I must say, having gained the confidence with the knowledge this book gave us, we decided to have another kid, so now we have 16, 10 year old kids and a 6 month baby. We know we need to put some efforts and invest in our kids, and we are fine with it. And we are well informed, prepared and quite excited to cruise through the challenges in life with no fear. As they say: "With fear we expect, and with love we accept!". And I wish you the same! A happy parent, Alexander P.S. This is a true feedback and not the made up stuff one can meet online quite often. I rarely leave some feedback as it takes time, but after some 4 years I received a request from Amazon to leave a feedback, and here you go - I believe this book is worth it. So, I pulled some thoughts out of my memory and this is just a tiny bit I have on the tip of my head. Enjoy if you decide to get the book and get it rather sooner than later (when your kids turn 10-12 is the best time).

Read this book for grad school and LOVED IT. So glad I purchased it. Perfect for counselors or anyone working with pre-teens and teens

This book was a super tool with stories, strategies, dialogue suggestions, and was easy reading. We all loved the "Parent Survival Kits" as it was like a reinforcement for parent check. I had ordered multiple copies of the book for our parent group to read and discuss as a group. Discussions have been great and the sharing of what we have implemented at home with our child/children with feed back and other ideas from other parents in our group meetings are helping everyone to understand whay our child/children do/act the way they do. Our goal is to have open communicate with our child/children at home for they will be ready to handle anything that comes at them in school and the real world. Great book - a must read!

Very interesting book. i had to read it for a class and it kept my attention. I was able to skip around and focus on certain areas for a book review and even with skipping around from chapter to chapter I was able to understand the book and will most likely use it as a reference once my children reach their teenage years.

I was looking for something one evening when I was at the end of my patience and understanding of what is happening with my daughter and why there’s such a fluctuation in her mood. She just turned 15 and I have to say this has helped me tremendously in understanding what is happening in her mind and body, and has helped me to stay cool and calm as the parent even when she’s losing it and now I’m not losing my temper together with her anymore, and it’s easier for me to understand that all this is pretty normal and just a passing and a normal stage between childhood and adulthood. I love that It has a very balanced approach in loving them, but also providing the structure and discipline they need to be successful adults. I recommend it and talk about it a lot to others who are going through this stage with their children. You won’t regret it if you buy it.

I'm a therapist who specializes in teenagers and young adults for all the reasons most therapists run screaming from them. I love their spirit, their innocence, their energy and humor, their moodiness and resilience. I have found that in most cases, they're not doing their lives "wrong" - they just haven't figured out how to do it "right." Over the past 6 years, I've purchased and given away literally over 100 copies of "Why Do They Act That Way?" to the parents of my new clients. This book is mandatory reading for any family that wants to work with me. Dr. Walsh wonderfully describes their crises and challenges as if he knows them personally, and offers hope that they can all survive those years. Parents rave about how helpful this book has been to them. Thanks to Dr. Walsh for helping to make my job easier and for making me a much better therapist!

I read this book years ago to help me better understand my middle school students. There was such excellent parenting advice that I shared it with many parents over the years. I'm not sure where that first book finally landed. But I recently ordered another and am reading it again before I share it with our son and his wife who are raising 3 children. The advice is just as good this time!

Amazing book, really helped me with my teenage son and daughter. Can really tell Dr Walsh is an expert as you see the exact things he discusses being played out in your children and his methods absolutely working. It’s been a few years since I bought this and am only doing a review now. I can say that I still consult this book when times get rough. One particular say

This book was a recomendación from my son school, and it is perfect to understand how de they feel and how could you support them. I read in a week, and is like a Bible for this times

This book has helped me so much in understanding teenage behaviour , allowing me to become a better parent to my teen son and daughter.

Book came really quickly and met all expectations of helping parents with teenage children. Would recommend this to all parents. A must buy.

Excellent