The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict Paperback – July 13, 2015

Leadership is a tricky task. No amount of technical excellence makes a good leader. The Arbinger Institute, a leadership research group, suggests that a heart at peace internally is the most important component for individuals to lead effectively. They contend this assertion applies to almost every realm of leadership, from parenting and organizations to world politics. And they show exactly how in this leadership fable.This story tells about a group that resolves family conflicts at a counseling center named Mount Moriah. The center deals with troublesome teens while the parents learn how to deal with their own leadership issues. The parents improve primarily through being confronted with themselves – their attitudes and dispositions, their “ways of being.”A Palestinian Muslim and an Israeli Jew guide the group. They talk about how their own life stories have reconciled themselves to each other despite prevailing war among their peoples. They have not solved Mideast peace, sadly, but they have brought their hearts to a greater position of peace. They seek to convey the lessons learned to these parents. The impact involves not only their families but every element of the adults’ lives.This book is a prequel to another bestselling book by the Arbinger Institute, Leadership and Self-Deception. Its principles are similar about being in and out of “the Box,” but this work better extrapolates what their views of leadership incorporate across the whole of life. The conflict-resolution lessons taught here do apply to business, but it reaches and engages much more. Thus, by using Martin Buber as a sage, the book explores more philosophy than just organizational leadership.Conflict resolution is central to leadership’s task wherever it is exercised. After a certain age, most of us have a leader’s role in life whether we like it or not. Therefore, this book’s appeal is fairly universal. Even when we live a solitary life, we usually must become involved in local, national, or world events that themselves ineluctably involve conflict. So we have to learn to do the hard work ourselves. This successful book lights a healthy way to start remedying conflict.

This is such a great book. It really made me think about how I was coming across and how my intentions might be affecting outcomes.

This is one of the best books I have ever read. Some books I read are entertaining, some are inspiring, some are educational, and some are life changing. This book has been life changing for me. I have purchased several copies that I have given as Christmas presents and plan to give some as wedding gifts as well.Some of my favorite quotes are:"We can treat our children fairly but if our hearts are warring toward them while we’re doing it, they won’t think they’re being treated fairly at all....As important as behavior is most problems at home, at work, and in the world are not failures of strategy but failures of way of being.""We first need to find our way out of the internal wars that are poisoning our thoughts, feelings, and attitudes toward others. If we can’t put an end to the violence within us, there is no hope for putting an end to the violence without.""And we have seen how one warring heart invites more "object seeing" and warring in others."...."No one can force a warring heart upon us. When our hearts go to war, we ourselves have chosen it.""Because when I betray myself I create within myself a new need-a need that causes me to see others accusingly, a need that causes me to care about something other than truth and solutions, and a need that invites others to do the same in response.""As painful as it is to receive contempt from another, it is more debilitating by far to be filled with contempt for another.""A heart at war needs enemies to justify its warring. It needs enemies and mistreatment more than it wants peace.""Whenever we need to be justified, anything that will give us justification will immediately take on exaggerated importance in our life. Self betrayal corrupts everything-even the value we place on things.""the more sure I am that I’m right, the more likely I will actually be mistaken. My need to be right makes it more likely that I will be wrong! Likewise, the more sure I am that I am mistreated, the more likely I am to miss ways that I am mistreating others myself.""Difficult people are nevertheless people, and it always remains in my power to see them that way.""Everyone I hated was always with me, even when I was alone. They had to be, for I had to remember what and why I hated in order to remind myself to stay away from them.""It isn’t so much what you did as what you invited.""Because most who are trying to put an end to injustice only think of the injustices they believe they themselves have suffered. Which means that they are concerned not really with injustice but with themselves. They hide their focus on themselves behind the righteousness of their outward cause.""It is not the sense of what to do but the desire to do it that’s at issue...When we have recovered those sensibilities towards others, we must act on them.""You have the biggest influence in your children’s lives, so if we want to be a positive influence with your children we better have strong relationships with you.""If we don’t get our hearts right, our strategies won’t matter. Once we get our hearts right, however, outward strategies matter a lot.""Our passions, beliefs, and needs do not divide but unite: it is by virtue of our own passions, beliefs, and needs that we can see and understand others’. If we have beliefs we cherish, then we know how important others’ beliefs must be to them."

I got this book for a class, and as far as textbooks go, it’s decent. It’s written as a story, which I found challenging because it makes it harder to judge whether certain principles are truly useful—the author can shape the scenarios however they want. That said, the concepts in this book are fascinating, and it really opens your eyes to different perspectives.

To get the full effect, the three books must be read, in no particular order. I began with Leadership and Self Deception, which intrigued me so much I immediately bought Anatomy of Peace and Outward Mindset. These books expose our inner motives, which is painful, but as the book is titled, it leads the reader to real peace. I've suggested this book to friends of mine: Sherrie was struggling to cope with her daughter's eating disorder which was spiraling out of control. She read it in 2 days and she's able to view the entire situation with a new vision and serenity.I began reading Leadership and Self Deception with a group of business partners looking to maximize ourselves to better serve others. We do this on a monthly basis and all the books we choose are profoundly life changing. Of all the books we've read in the past few years, this is number 2 (Insidious is number 1) and I refer back to the lessons regularly.

I had a friend whose therapist recommended this book to get past some family pain and heartache. Since I am going through some similar situations to her, she told me to get the book and it would really help me.