Growing Up Again: Parenting Ourselves, Parenting Our Children

The authors counsel an extremely effective parenting technique as a High-Structure/High-Nurture two-lane highway. This technique describes age-appropriated use of negotiable rules and non-negotiable rules for the High-Structure component. The High-Nurture component entails the use of Assertive Care and Non-Assertive Care, which gradually releases a child from dependence to independence. The authors use this visual aid to analyze the off-road and ditch parenting, identifying those characteristic behaviors and why these need to be avoided. Using a compilation chart, they illustrate the resultant characteristics in adults from off-road and ditch parenting. This book provides clear vision with purpose and reason for the long term on how to parent your kid.When we were adopting one of our children, the adoption agency required all adoptive parents to take parenting courses. We were parents already, but I chose to read this book which was on their list. This was many years ago and it was the single best thing I ever did to parent my children so much more effectively. It is literally a game-changer. Highly recommend as a Baby Shower gift.

The only book you’ll ever need. So much great guidance including charts showing a range of strategies for dealing with your child’s behavior, from ignoring the behavior to abusive parenting and then in the middle; finding the loving but firm approach. Get this book!☺️

The book is an amazing find!

I cannot say enough good things about this book. I bought it after my therapist recommended it to me, and I fell in love right away. The authors explain that they don't call it family "dysfunction" because your family functioned...just maybe not so well. They argue that this is not a book to help you determine where to place blame. They take a very proactive, and in my opinion, a very healthy and well-adjusted, approach to healing from family pain and issues. Instead of being angry about what you didn't receive, they offer this approach instead - to be happy you can give whatever you need to yourself...now. In this way, this book is so empowering.The nurture/structure highway is AHMAZING. It helps me understand the different ways we can give/receive structure and nurture with a nice and clear visual. I also love the, what I refer to as, SRC triangle (structure, recognition and certainty). The book gives you just enough background and information so you can educate yourself, without getting too bogged down in clinical terms. It doesn't read like a college textbook - it doesn't really read as self-help either. It's more like a book I think everyone should read since we were all children once and had adults help us grow up.If you are expecting or ever plan to have kids too, I would HIGHLY recommend this book. I personally believe that I have grown a lot just from reading 2/3 of this book. It helped lessen my anger towards my parents, and see them as individuals with flaws and baggage from their own childhoods. It also helped me feel less victimized and more in control of what I do *now*.Seriously can't say enough good things. :)

This gem of a book is tops on my list of "recovery, self-help" paperbacks. The copyright is dated 1989 and 1998. I found the perspective refreshing because the authors chose the word "uneven" to describe parenting which did not fill needs of children.Simple icons to represent ideas, such as triangles to represent the three crucial "hunger" elements every child needs to thrive, stimulation, recognition and certainty. They describe and compare nurturing styles, from abuse to neglect. This book defines structure and why it is necessary. Easily interpreted graphics support their ideas.I found the section on Denial useful because it included charts with levels of denial or discounting with specific examples and how those responses would look different with other nurturing characteristics.The Growing Up Again Section describes traits and developmental tasks various life stages encounter; prenatal, birth to 6 months, six to eighteen months, eighteen months to three years, three to six years, six years to twelve years to nineteen years, adults and those looking toward death. The update edition includes a section on adoption. Appendix A offers tools for Family Growth, Appendix B offers tools for personal growth.This book can be used by new parents and those "done" with parenting. For the latter, this book provides concrete examples of how to "re-parent" yourself in a more healthy, balanced, compassionate and aware way.

My toddler and I are seeing a fantastic family therapist while we transition through a divorce. She recommended this book. I was hooked as soon as she opened it to a "ages and stages" page (I could be misquoting that title, don't have the book with me). It sets out groups of developmental needs by age. Along with each developmental need is at least one example of how to helpfully meet that need, and at least one example of parent behaviors that are unhelpful or harmful responses to that need. (For example, a 16-month-old has the need to explore. Discipline is not yet considered a helpful response; instead, keeping the environment safe and redirecting are the things to do at this stage when responding to that need.) The book gives examples of unconditional love and conditional love, so parents can recognize when they're doing the latter and correct it. It continues examples of age-based needs through adulthood. I like the idea of responding specifically to developmental needs. The book is well-researched and well-regarded, and is easy to absorb.

Wow this book is so helpful for people from childhood disfunctional families/

Great Book and arrived early too

Everybody must read it.Very useful, recommend to all ages, parents and individuals.Work out the gaps in your parenting and get a new start in your life

A must-read for anyone interested in helping kids be healthy - and yourself - it all starts with yourself and your well-being, the best gift you can give a child. But it ain't easy - and they're with you in it. Highly recommend.

so so didnt love it, but was useful

Great inspiration as a parent as well