I Carry Your Heart in My Heart: Family Constellations in Prison Paperback – 28 Apr 2009

This short but beautiful book, based on the author's doctoral thesis and five years' work in prison with the worst non-death-row criminals, combines two areas of study and practice still new to the culture. The first half of the book relays the personal experiences of the prisoners involved. The second half more analytically describes, contrasts, and places this totally outside-the-box work historically and phenomenologically in the context of mainstream psychotherapy - without polarizing.Family Constellations is a therapeutic practice accessing multi-generational traumatic patterns from a "field" of greater knowledge, rather than sourcing through people's words and mental processes. Individuals carry or hold these larger, heavy patterns without knowing it and this work mysteriously releases them. There's more to it than that but you'll find a good explanation in the first pages, or just google family constellations or Bert Hellinger.The other category I think this work falls under, although I don't think the term is ever used nor does the author explicitly make the connection, is Restorative Justice. This is an umbrella comprising among other things bringing perpetrators to a point of accepting responsibility for their crimes so that reparation and restoration may be made to victims who are open to that. In the process, individuals, families, and communities can be restored. Judging from the words and stories of the prisoners themselves, they have been transformed at a profound, almost soul level. It's surprising how disturbed at themselves and aware and penitent and humble and sorry they are. I can imagine this would be a great tool for people working in Restorative Justice.A by-product of this work is a feeling of deep compassion for all humans, including these prisoners whose traumas erupted in violence, crime, harm or death to another. The fact that people beyond the pale of society but not so far really from you and me can accept the consequences of their actions, feel deep remorse and shame (and presumably willingness to reach out to their victims, though that is beyond the scope of this book) is incredible. Who among us hasn't suffered trauma we buried, who hasn't erupted in rage or done something stupid? I do not presume to downplay or comment at all on what a rape victim or family of a murdered person should feel or choose to do because that's a subject I have no say on, and neither does the author. But it does help me feel compassion where I was the victim of a lesser wrongdoing that inflicted great pain, just seeing the humanity of a murderer.Which brings me to one last thing. I have read a lot on forgiveness in the past several years and I have never seen the like of the thoughts expressed on that subject by this author. In a couple of paragraphs somewhere in the middle of the book (which I can't look up because I lent the book out) he combines acknowledgment of what happened, its permanence and reach through time, full accountability and ownership of the crime by the perpetrator, and a sort of cosmic acceptance of what is that seems to encompass but go beyond the Buddhist notion of forgiveness as an inner job for the victim... it's refreshing and it feels right. When I was hurt, those ultra-spiritual definitions of forgiveness did nothing for me and I'm not a shallow person. The idea of forgiveness I found here doesn't talk about victims at all, but I think it would help victims of serious crime to get to the ultimate level of forgiveness a lot faster than anything else I've heard.I am starting to learn this technique. I'm thinking about how I might take it out to the world...A really inspiring and important book.

Having volunteered in prisons for over a decade and also having recently discovered the family constellation process, I was eager to read the book. Dan Cohen's work with lifers is amazing. The revelations from inmates and to inmates about how to help heal themselves and the world around them, even as they remain incarcerated, are very moving. The first half of the book recalls a series of constellations involving inmates. That is the most readable and revealing part. The last half is more about theories of psychology and philosophy and spirituality that might explain the power of the family constellation process. That section (drawn clearly from the Ph.D. dissertation this work came from) could be less accessible or interesting to some. I do participate now in family constellations with more breadth of understanding and confidence having read this book.

My bookshelves overflow with books about Family Constellation work--and this has become the one I recommend most. Whether you're just curious about Family Constellations, are new to the work or have studied it for years, Dan's book offers something of value. The first part describes his work at Bay State Prison in Boston where he's done constellations with prisoners serving life sentences with no possibility of parole. It's honest, warm and touching and gives a very good description of how constellations work (no small task).The second part, which he adapted from his doctoral thesis, is compelling in other ways. I loved the connections he made between Hellinger work and different schools of therapy AND different wisdom traditions! He also didn't shy away from the hard questions. There's a section on constellations and their possible negative aftermaths. And, while it doesn't read with the formality of a thesis (thankfully), it contains a thesis' worth of references that are invaluable for someone who wants to continue to learn more about this unique form of therapeutic work.Five stars definitely seem too few!

Dan Booth Cohen writes: " This book is about prisoners. It is for anyone who feels trapped by emotions, circumstances, or relationships from which they cannot escape...Part of being human is our hearts hold ancestoral memories of unbearable loss and immense suffering...Nearly everyone has a part of themselves that cannot find peace or come to rest. In the silence of our dreams, in our restless thought, in the darkest places in our hearts, the terrible experiences that befell our fathers and mothers, grandparents, aunts and uncles, live on inside of us. For most of us, they appear as nightmares or panic attacks , forgetfulness or sorrow. For those men inside Bay State, they emerge as violent crimes...The stories of Family Constellations in prison and the philosophy of healing that is explored in these pages show that peace of mind,reconciliation and forgiveness are always within reach.Anngwyn St. Just Ph.D. Director of the Arizona Center for Social Trauma and author of " A Question of Balance: A Systemic Approach to Understanding and Resolving Trauma" ( [...] )