Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples Paperback – February 1, 1990

With around 50% of marriages failing, it is pretty clear that many people are doing something wrong when it comes to chosing their mates. This book explains why people are so often drawn to those who challenge and,ultimately, also frustrate them..and how to turn many difficult relationships into successful ones. HOW does the author do this. In a nutshell:1. First, he makes readers aware of the possible unconscious forces that drive most of us to be attracted to those we love. This isn't a "quick fix" or "bandaid" type of psychology. Instead, it is filled with the type of insights that motivate readers to truly examine their own lives and to understand how their experiences guide the choices they make when selecting lovers and mates.2. That knowledge - about how one's past affects one's present and future - puts readers "in the driver's seat", no longer held fast by patterns of attraction that aren't clearly understood. Suddenly relationships, past and present, begin to make sense, especially when viewed in light of one's entire life.3. Armed with that knowledge, couples have a chance to really build a committed, solid relationship and to acknowledge why we are attracted by certain, often challenging, people - and why that might even be a POSITIVE thing, if handled the right way. Admittedly, there may be some very painful bumps in the road (good relationships often take hard work)..and there is the real risk of breakup, divorce, the end of a relationship. Awareness does not automatically lead to a successful relationship. Some relationships still end. But whether your marriage or relationship ultimately succeeds or fails, reading this book is likely to up your chances of building a solid, strong and committed relationship in the long run. This is a standout from The crowd when it comes to similar types of books. It is thought-provoking, enlightening and well worth reading. It should be required reading for many marriage prep classes.

This book has insightful knowledge that is paramount to those having difficulties finding a healthy, happy, developing relationship. The real gem of the reader's travels here is Dr. Hendrix's impacting distinction between "romance" and "re-romance." The former embodies the challenging and more than not often painful trials and tribulations of seeking out a partner whose profile has the potential of helping one work out one's childhood issues; in short, seeking out a partner, unconsciously, that matches a troubled parent in some way(s). The latter involves seeking romance with our "new brains," finding a partner that makes us feel happy, someone with whom development of our personages and goals is highly probable, with whom we feel good and healthy. A possible hidden gem is that we must accept responsibility for the "hurt child" inside us and not rely on a partner to achieve this task.A plausible constructive criticism may be that much of the information in this book is delivered in highly abstract, intellectual, and academic banter, so that a lot of the book will fly over the head of a layperson. Fortunately, there are always Dr. Hendrix's workshops to remedy this; however, it would have helped tremendously to have more real-life examples and down-to-earth scenarios for readers to identify with. I made it through the book and learned quite a bit ... but I have a graduate degree in the arts and sciences field.Still, a meaningful, worthwhile work for all self-help and romantically hopeful readers.

The best single relationship book I have ever read. I was so impressed by it that I have used it in several classes. Hendrix considers that we fall in love with people who our unconscious minds tell us can help us complete our unfinished business from childhood. He explains why opposites attract -- and why those differences then begin to drive us crazy. By the middle of the book, you are ready to despair--but then he devotes the second half to the solution, the "conscious marriage." He gets very specific, with a couples quiz that can however be taken by one partner alone; suggestions; recommendations; and--exercises. Anyone who puts in even half the requested effort will end up, at the very least, knowing a good deal more about his or her partner.The book is not perfect. Deliberately aimed at a popular audience, the writing is sometimes too simplified. There are links and connections that can be inferred, but that are not spelled out in the book. And HH's optimistic methods are not likely to work for the deeply disturbed or traumatized individual, simply because the degree of change called for is too great.I give this book to every couple I know, straight or gay, who are getting married.

As a therapist myself, I have recommended this book to MANY clients, whether in a relationship or just considering one at some point in the future. It is crucial to understanding oneself and the way you operate within a relationship.

This book is more than a book for you and your partner. It helps you dive into your deepest self — all the way back to childhood. I’ve been through years of therapy but this book made me recognize things I’ve never acknowledged before. Way better than I expected it to be!!

Good read but I do not feel you can blame all your marriage woes on past childhood experiences although my counselor totally buys into this.He advised me to read it and I felt he gives the book too much weight.There are many problems that occur in a marriage that cannot be blamed on your childhood and believe me I know...my childhood was horrible but I came out of it a stronger person.The author implies you chose your mate based on unmet childhood needs.Yes in some cases true could be true.The books cites too many boring case studies from married couples in turmoil... got kind of repetitive for my liking. Overall I did not pay much for this and one can never have too much insight. The book Women's Infidelity by Michelle Langley gave me more insight.

The best and most useful book written on relationships. I use the Imago exercise with my therapy clients and it knocks them sideways - giving them insights and understandings entirely new (and shocking) to them. This book changes lives. If you are in relationship with another breathing / living human being and are finding it irksome, you should read this book.If you don't live in the US, you may struggle a little with the somewhat schmaltzy tone and folksy language .... but persevere. It is truly,magnificently worth it.

Probably the best book I've read on couples, and I've read many. It made sense of my own experiences and helped me be a more supportive partner as well as realise I need to express myself better. I've recommended to many friends who've all come back with positive insights from it.

I bought it following a Funzing talk given by Sex Specialist Colin Richards. It is absolutely brilliant and it makes so much sense why I am attracted to a specific type of guy based on my childhood. Absolutely fascinating! I totally recommend it!

A really good guide for both professionals working with couples and couples wanting to understand why they are drawn to certain types of personalities. It clearly outlines steps to take in order to improve your relationship. A workbook is also available, which is an excellent resource for professionals, although it would be better if it was bound so you could photocopy the exercises.It's an easy, informative read, difficult to put down!

I loved this book, and it did wonders for me and my partner. They key to a happy marriage or relationship is to learn to communicate.All my friends who I have shared this with, all said the same thing."I wish I had read this book when I was 18..."