Escaping Enemy Mode: How Our Brains Unite or Divide Us

Why are there so many disagreements among humans? Because they get into enemy mode and say and do stupid things.Jim and Ray give us many stories of enemy mode. We all drop into it, we just don't realize it.Michel Hendricks and Jim Wilder's book "The Other Half of Church" mentions enemy mode, but doesn't go into the depths this book does. In that book there is only one "Enemy mode."Jim and Ray classify 3 kinds of enemy mode:1) Simple. This is when I am unaware about others. I am not interested in having a relational conversation with you. I find I am in this simple enemy mode when i am grocery shopping: I have a particular number of things to get, and I want to be done with this task that I don't like to do. I am not aware of others, I cut them off when both of us try to enter the same isle at the same time, I am not concerned that I am in another persons way. I am only concerned about me getting done with this! I leave resentment and bewilderment behind from the people I do not have common courtesy with. "Isn't he rude!", I may hear behind me. But I don't care, I am on a mission!2) Stupid enemy mode. Usually a task needs to be done that I am focused on, and someone interrupts me from my task. I am likely to be short, curt, or downright mean when the other person wants to engage me about THEIR problem. "This person is keeping me from doing what I need to do! I am going to lose my train of thought here! I was doing so well until now!" I will say something stupid like: "Can't you see I am busy? Have you no regard for people who need to get something important done? What is the problem you have that can't wait? I bet my task is much higher priority than yours!" I can enter Stupid enemy mode from Simple enemy mode quite easily.3) Intelligent enemy mode. (At one point in "The Other Half of Church" this seems to be called Predatory Enemy mode.) This is where I am totally aware of what I am doing. I am going to get my way. I am in tune with your feelings, and use them to my advantage to get what I want. I see you are afraid of me, so I use that to intimidate you, to get you to agree with what I am pushing. I have gotten this way with past bosses who did not think I was taking us down the correct path for our project.Getting out of enemy mode is not easy on our own. We usually need a group of people we trust to point out we are in enemy mode. Once we become aware we are in enemy mode we can do some relaxation exercises that will help us calm down, and drop back into a relational being, someone who is reasonable, considers what others are feeling, and what is the best outcome for all involved.. When we are in Intelligent enemy mode, then that is much harder to get out of. Some people think this mode is necessary to function in today's dog-eat-dog world. Jim and Ray argue otherwise, pointing out the consequences of using this mode to get your job done.Jim and Ray thoroughly explain how they have come up with their classification of these brain modes we get in. They use recent brain science to argue that this is what the brain does. They weave this in with Biblical principles to argue that we should operate differently.There are practical things you can do to escape enemy mode that Jim and Ray go over, but for real change, it requires a group of like minded people you trust and have a loving relationship with to help you and remind you that "We don't operate in enemy mode. We are loving to our acquaintances and our enemies."A great read. I read this in a few weeks (I have limited time per day to read due to work and other family commitments) and didn't put it on the shelf like I do with most other books I read (yes, I never finish most of what I read these days.)What to do about enemy mode seems to come very late in the book. I kept thinking, "when do we get to the part about Escaping?"There are some detailed descriptions of the brain parts and how they work together that are lost to me. To fully understand what the authors are talking about would take some extra effort that I did not put in. Nevertheless the book was very enlightening to me and I highly recommend it.

Even though there are so many different groups under the umbrella of Christianity, under the same umbrella we all bring our own strengths and weaknesses. Our desire of becoming people that can love our enemies is hardly a common goal. Even though we know that it should be our aim, we feel too far of accomplishing such level of love. This book not only explains why and if you can humble enough yourself to admit this limitation you can be pulled into this concept because you can see that you are not alone in your desire to change but to understand that we are called to adopt a character like Jesus,is not impossible but necessary. Escaping enemy mode makes room for Christ to dwell within.

This books seems profitable in recognizing when I and others are in "enemy mode," and in helping to get out of it. Loving my enemies is hard, but this book helps explain the brain science behind it, and also challenges us to be more like Jesus. These principles and teachings will help me love my neighbor and my enemy better.

I pre-ordered this title and have been eagerly waiting to dive into "Escaping Enemy Mode" by Jim Wilder and Ray Woolridge. Wilder helped found an organization (Life Model Works) that is helping bring together modern neuroscience and solid biblical theology to foster more loving, peaceful and joyful individuals, families, and communities. Now he and retired General Ray Woolridge have come out with the next research-based relational resource in this line, and it couldn't have come too soon. With all the division and hate and relational mess we see all around us (and in us at times), this book gives an incredibly helpful look into the brain science of what goes wrong in our culture, family, or other relationships, and more importantly, how we can be people quick to get out of enemy-mode (aka non-relational mode), and learn how to keep our relationships bigger than the problems we face. I'm ~1/2 way into the book and can't put it down. Highly recommended!

Enemy mode is something that all of us have experienced the pain of and all of us have given pain while we have been in it. Jim and Ray have done extensive research and interviews to validate and explain the types and impacts of enemy mode thinking and behaviors. Escaping enemy mode is something that is capable and needed by all l people and solutions are available in this book. This book is especially needed for Christian leaders who care for becoming more like Jesus themselves and/or want those they lead to do so. I was personally touched by the vulnerability both authors in sharing their own ongoing journey to escape mode thinking for them and their groups.

This book is so helpful. Identifying simple, stupid, and intelligent enemy mode in the brains of people we work with and having the courage to see our own propensity to any one of these categories is critical for the pursuit of peace, both at home in and society at large. We all know what defensiveness is like; how infuriating it is when others will not recognize our help because they are defensive or how our own alarm bells go off if we feel threatened. That’s simple enemy mode.Some really helpful ideas in here!

This is very timely book in today's culture of division and the us vs. them mentality that sadly abounds in families, politics, communities, and religions. Though we were made to be relational, our brains can immediately react in enemy mode when we are hurt or sense danger from others. This book helps us to recognize enemy mode in our own lives and provides tools that can help us learn the process of "refriending." This book would be helpful for any family, organization, and community. As we learn to be more relational, we will lead more satisfying and healthier lives, and our organizations will be more efficient as people feel connected, heard, and empowered.

The world needs this book. If each of us began applying this knowledge and practice into our lives we would begin to see a turn around in our world today. Less hate, less anger more positive solutions to relevant issues of the day such as poverty, homelessness, racism.I read Jim Wilder and those who co-write with him as the natural extension of Dallas Willard’s Renovation of the Heart. If Dallas were alive I think he would be writing this material too.