Kerry PattersonCrucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

I ordered this book because it seemed useful and I could see one of my friends behaving differently. I bought this in mind that a big storm was coming. I have made mistakes during emotionally charged conversations/arguments before and didn't want to go down the same path again. Not too soon after I purchased it, that friend brought the storm.I took my time to read this and skim over it again before I entered the conversation because I didn't want to go in feeling attacked, defensive, or angry. I wanted to know how I could handle things. I didn't want to talk and head into a storm in the first place, but reading this book helped me feel less apprehensive about talking. I didn't want to go in ready to fight, I took my time talking on my own terms because I didn't want to lose my friend while feeling hot-headed. I explained my intentions on why I took long to not give off the impression that I didn't care.The book took me about 6 hours to read but I didn't really count. I flagged many pages to the point when I almost ran out of flags. There were very few parts I skipped towards the end (of examples/possible scenarios that I didn't think related to me), but most of the book seemed very relevant. The many examples helped. I think as a reader it helps to take written/typed notes of your own as you go, but I did not take much (I will though).When I felt I was ready to talk, I went in. I tried utilizing what I remembered. I did look at the smaller details to address them and tried not playing "trivia pursuit" on things that that were brought up. I got more of my friend's perspective. After we talked about our concerns, we found our misunderstandings and similarities regarding situations, as well as our viewpoints on both. I also brought up some possible agreements on how to avoid disrespecting each other in the future and if we did, the topic is left open so we can revisit our misunderstandings or perspectives again without making an ultimatum and to communicate more healthily if we think something is off between us. I didn't want to just get things off our chest, I wanted to make it easier for us to communicate in a similar manner (finding solutions) in the future. I wouldn't have gotten to this point if it weren't for this book. I honestly was prepared to lose a friend and in that scenario, none of us wins because we learned nothing about ourselves and others, we only saw our own viewpoints. By the end of our conversation, my friend seemed satisfied. We both have our similarities, though we handled things differently, this book played a part in bringing things up to light and how to go about it.There are other things I am going to work on tackling, such as things in the workplace and not in my personal life and hope it turns out okay for everyone too.I only read this once and skimmed it once after that, yet it helped me get this far. I really recommend this book to anyone who wants to get better at such conversations and arguments. It's worth rereading, not a read-once-and-drop-it kind of book.

Truly one of the most practical and brilliant business books, and this from someone who loathes the average "New York Times best-selling business book!". This book offers deep insights into the human psyche around relationships and interactions, communications and relating to one another and the world of things that can go wrong - that does go wrong - on a daily basis. It applies to your relationship with your boss, business colleagues, partner, spouse, co-worker, friends, and your entire ecosystem. If you want something, you need to be able to communicate it. If you don't want something, you must be able to say it and every interaction has consequences. Do you want to keep the relationship? Do you want to be liked, trusted, loved, adored and still firm in your views? Or do you want to stay in the constant prison of power struggle, victim mindset, false stories and breakdown of communication with roller coaster of emotions?I've already started using the tools in Crucial Conversations with my spouse. Right now, I'm happy to say that my relationship is in a very good place, but as I read the book, I reflected on years of misunderstandings and jumping to conclusions and seeing where I would often take the doomed route to nowhere, rather than the safe and smart path to a place of mutual understanding, trust and love. So I've started applying these principles and teaching my husband how to look for signs and how to communicate to me when he feels unsafe or unhappy in a conversation, or as the authors put it, when "dialogue" stops, because when you step out of dialogue, all breaks down, so the goal is to stay in dialogue when stakes are high, when emotions are strong.Another great tool you learn in this book is to state the mutual purpose and draw from that to bring yourself and the other person to the same side. As you begin the process, you can create safety and trust by doing this very early on.If you believe that communication is at the heart of getting things done, building relationships, creating an impact, as I do, then this is one of the BEST books on communication when stakes are high, and if you are able to have a powerful crucial conversation, if you can train yourself to do this with the help of the amazing techniques in this book, then you have a rare gift that helps you in all areas of life.I've started recommending this book and even sending it to my clients, and teaching the principles in my coaching sessions. It is even worth a re-read. Highly recommended.

Crucial conversations is one of the best tools I’ve ever been given for dealing with difficult conversations. Highly recommend

Very good in development of assertive skills

This is an incredibly helpful book. It deals particularly with how to handle emotionally charged conversations, where one or both of you is upset or angry or doesn't want to speak up. As I was reading this, I could only think of one person in my life that I know who actually does all of these things in conversation, and maybe one other person who's decent...meaning I really think the majority of people would benefit from reading this book, even if you don't think you're especially bad at dialogue. I bought this book because I was struggling to phrase things well when I was offering criticism -- it came off too attackingly -- and this has given me so much to think about and so much helpful advice. I think this would be especially helpful to parents and couples. Most of the examples are aimed at people in their 30s-50s, but it really seems like the sooner the better for reading it. The main message of the book was of how to be both honest and respectful -- to not avoid conversations you need to have until they're super big, to be respectful and listen but also to say what needs to be said in a way that the other person can hear without becoming defensive, and these are lessons that will help you with any relationship, including roommates, acquaintances, siblings, etc.There are also links in this book to videos of example conversations -- I'm on to check those out next, as my response to finishing the book was sadness that there wasn't more! I think my dialogue skills have already improved in only a couple weeks of reading the book, and I will reread this going forward to help me as struggles arise.Highly recommended.

This book is just amazing.It examines many situations of conversations which could be critical to our life and to out wellbeing.It gives practical tools and analysis about how to carry on a conversation.Highly recommended!

I don’t usually write reviews, but this book is gold for anyone looking to communicate better in their professional or personal life. Every chapter is dense but at the same time accessible in language. Every other line can be highlighted and be used in real life situations. If you lack in some areas of communication and desire to fix the same, you must read Crucial Conversations.

I see this book as even more practical than Never Split the Difference and Start With No, because it creates the conditions for me to approach people in a more relaxed way and send the message that I want without the fear of the other person exploding at me or I exploding at her.The reading is not very enjoyable, but It has a very good methodology and good stories that makes it worth reading and finishing it.Congratulations for the simple, but very important book.