How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful Audible Audiobook – Unabridged

As a spouse who has been cheated on physically and emotionally, I found this book very helpful. Unfortunately, my spouse is not willing to make the effort required for healthy healing to occur. The book is still immensely useful because it validates that my requests are reasonable.If you are reading this review it's likely your life has been touched in this incredibly painful way. I'm sorry. Please know with ot without your spouse you can heal and grow. It will get better and you will experience happiness again if you allow it into your life. All the best.

I bought this book for my husband to read, but was curious and read it myself. From the perspective of the betrayed spouse, I highly recommend this book to other betrayed partners. We are about 6 months in from the affair discovery and the book gave me some great insight as to why I continue to be hung up on some issues and also assured me that my triggers are completely normal and understandable. At a time when you need all the assurance you can get, this book is really helpful. I'm sure my husband will think so too -- I'll give it to him tomorrow.It's a short read, I purchased the audible version and finished it in just over 2 hours.Update one month later. My husband not only read it,but turned around and immediately read it a second time. We've read several books during our struggle to get beyond the affair and this is the one he (and I) feel is the most helpful in dealing with our day to day relationship. The book has made a big difference in how he approaches the issue and he says is the only thing he's read that truly helps him understand things from my perspective. This book cannot be recommended more strongly.

...i was barely through the first chapter when i wanted to put the book down...but it was the truth hard straight forward no sugar added truth...it stung it hurt bad...but nothing compared to the hell i have seen the woman i betrayed go through...i am humbled and ready for what is next thanks to this book

[Note: "he" and "his" can refer to either a husband or a wife's unfaithfulness]The author is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. After 22 years of counseling, she wrote this book to "identify certain behaviors on the part of unfaithful partners that tend to determine the success or failure of their efforts to save their marriages, post-affair" (p. 9).These behaviors include:-- Understanding the wrongness of his unfaithfulness-- Understanding the depth of pain he has caused his spouse.-- Three barriers to understanding the damage he has done.-- How to remain resilient in spite of setbacks during recovery.-- Being realistic about recovery taking time.-- Respecting the betrayed spouse by allowing her to set the pace and type of healing needed, such as a temporary separation.-- Telling the truth about one's unfaithfulness rather than waiting to be discovered.-- Showing remorse and shame rather than defensiveness.-- Breaking off all contact with the affair partner, including phone calls, texting, emails, and face-to-face.-- How to end the affair.-- Stumbling blocks to severing ties with the affair partner.-- Undoing the damage from one's lies and rationalizations.-- Accepting full responsibility for one's affair.-- Being patient with the betrayed spouse's emotions and time needed to recover.-- Being more sorry for the betrayed spouse's pain than for one's guilt of unfaithfulness.-- Growing in expressing true empathy and heartfelt apologies.-- Doing whatever it takes to rebuild trust.-- Successfully responding to the betrayed spouse's "triggers".-- Making amends with your children.-- Changing your core character.

This is such a helpful book! When an affair is discovered or disclosed the trauma, pain and confusion is usually overwhelming and it can be hard to focus on just about anything. This book is short, simple and easy to read. If you are the betrayed partner you might want to read this to learn about what to look for to determine if your partner really is committing him or herself to recovery and your relationship ...or just talking about doing it! If you are the one who had the affair and you want to know what to do to even try to repair the damage, read this book to get sound wisdom about how to be what the author calls a successful rebuilder.

This set my husband backwards. I wish I had read it before I gave it to him. It made him feel hopeless in our marriage instead of speaking to what he needed to hear to recover and mend what he had done. Be wary.

I like the simplicity of the book. It pulls a lot from Shirley Glass "not just friends" (5* book if you ask me). It's a simplified version of this. I read in an less than a couple of hours. I think personally I'd like not to have god references, I don't subscribe to Christianity, and felt the odd sentence about God , or a suggested scripture to read unnecessary. I don't think it was written towards one gender at all. It felt balanced. So if you are the unfaithful one, and not a big reader buy this. If you are the unfaithful one, and you truly want to repair your marriage, with far more depth then get the other book.

Excellent advice for anyone who has been betrayed by a partner as well as the betrayer who wants to return. This book has great empathy for those who find themselves in a situation not of their own doing. It almost feels as though the author can see clearly inside you head. Great help.

This book is directed towards women being the victim. Very feminine and one sided.Maybe the author should consider that men can also be victims of affairs and not all men read car manuals

I bought this book for my husband but took the time to read it first. This book made me realise that my feelings and behaviour is totally rational. I do believe that if my husband takes the time to read it and act upon what is said, that it will help to heal our broken marriage after his affair.

A thoughtful, succinct look at what makes or breaks the rebuilding of a marriage after an act of unfaithfulness focusing on the Unfaithful partner.

Very useful for both at a very difficult time.

not really useful

Good read, handy suggestions and helps to relate experience.

WARNING-HIGHLY DISHONEST MARKETINGThis book advertises itself as a general purpose guide in assisting with healing from infidelity. It is not. It is very specifically only for those who identify as-religious-christian (actual line from the book "only God can help fill that hole")-conservative-monogamousIt leans heavily on themes of sexual shaming and other outdated and frankly dangerous ultra right wing concepts that have long since been disproven by respected psychologists and researchers.It also has absolutely zero consideration or discussion of non monogamous or non conformist relationship types which are increasingly common in today's society.If you value your relationship, please, look elsewhere for advice, there are much much better and more scientifically supported books out there.

I understand there are a lot mixed reviews about this book but the reality is there isn't much in this topic area that speaks to the person directly responsible. For me, in my experience, it said what I wasn't able to say objectively and I thought it was an important and valuable resource. The reviews I have read are all over the map so it makes me wonder if some of the reviews are by the people that stepped outside the marriage. Again, the experience (if you find yourself in an unfortunate need for this book) is truly overwhelming but will be better in time. The book really does a good job of articulating (to the more responsible party) of the damage and destruction they have inflicted by their choices and actions. That's all I can say. Your experience is your own and your likely having a very difficult time... So this isn't the answer, it's just another tool to help manage some understanding of an situation you won't be able to find logic in.

Will help the "offender" to understand the stages their partner goes through on the way to recovery. Patience cannot be overstated, and this book explains the process well.

helpful and touches most of the aspects. would appreciate if some aspects of how to recover for the betrayed spouse was also included.

I am a betrayed spouse, yet I decided to read this book, to better understand what it is that I need to feel better... It is written so simple and so easy to understand and memorize. The author KNOWS what she's talking about. I hope my unfaithful spouse can follow recommendations and it will eventually help both of us to heal from this catastrophe.

good advice if reader is willing to deal with it

Really good one. Must read for those who are going through this phase. This will help recover from trauma very well