Freak Out! My Life with Frank Zappa Paperback – October 11, 2011

This book is just incredible. I thought this would be just another clumsily put together attempt to record 50 year old memories from an era long past and never repeatable. I couldn't be more wrong. This book is first-class in every way possible. I literally couldn't put it down for two days straight. What a story and what an exciting and bizarre time to be alive and directly involved in the core of its happenings! All else had to stop so I could finish this book.Zappa was right about Pauline as he was right about so many others. She is unique, one-of-a-kind, a wonderful writer and obviously an artist with her own voice and this book proves it without a shadow of a doubt. This is biography as art just like Zappa's own book. She may not be James Agee but she is so perceptive and subtle and more than well-equipped to communicate in beautifully written, nuanced sentences full of detail without sounding pretentious. This book is the grown and mature child FZ and PB never had. It is a labour-of-love structured in an almost detective story format with emotional "cliff-hangers" that keep you in suspense and eager to read more, except it is not a "criminal" she's tying to gather enough clues about to identify but the "secret" of her own psyche and personality, what makes it tick, and the "secret" of her deep attraction to the creative force and aura that was Zappa (if Gail hadn't been married to FZ with kid, it is very likely Pauline would have been the top candidate to become Mrs. Zappa), what made a notorious personality such as Zappa's transcend the merely "deviant" and "weird" and become a true creative hub and foundation that inspired so many others on similar paths. All these transcendent things are boldly nudged at persistently to reveal some of their secrets: these synchronicities and meaningful coincidences that cannot be defined in symbols and metaphors right away except by accomplished artists and sometimes have to wait 5 decades for that "accomplishment" to find itself and the right words and approach to do magical events justice.The fact that FZ did want and attempt to get into the skirt of a beautiful and classy British woman with charming "hang-ups" Zappa himself had discarded long ago, while remaining a rough-&-tumble, curse-word-using gentleman at all times, is not the point. Zappa had many beautiful women chasing after him, a truckload of groupies in every town and his own wife was considered a Brigitte-Bardot type in the 1960s and drooled over by many big stars. The point is that he was even more interested in getting into Pauline's brain and character and any sensual/sexual exploration would have been another conduit to that, not the other way around. The way her sharp mind operated, so differently from his own wife and the women in California was what fascinated him. Zappa didn't like England and France much at all and preferred performing in Germany and other European countries. However, he always had respect for individual human beings, the common folk who, through some lucky accident or dogged perseverance of character, in their own little but important ways, maintain the goodwill of an entire culture in spite of all the rot that has set in. Those that could remain pure and have integrity like himself even if they have to occasionally swim through a sewer of unnecessary man-made "problems" to get there.Also, artists, especially great ones like FZ, have a deep need to run their ideas and the many possible communicable forms these ideas might eventually take through the more subtle and intuitive environment of the feminine psyche (ideally a properly or at least interesteingly tempered feminine psyche or as close to it as available) to make sure of their strength of form and validity, their t-root-etness, their t-root-full-ness and value. The more intelligently unique the woman (Gail, PamZ, Pauline, Christine Frka, the film director in NYC, etc) the more the process, the blooming of that aspect of the shaping of the art form, accelerates, and the more interesting turns it takes which can later be mined for even more creation. What the sculptor Nancy McCormack wrote about meeting Ezra Pound in Paris seems also true of FZ and his relationship to the women in his life, whether or not he had a sexual union with them: ."Pound seemed to address his wife in all his conversation as if he were in the habit of crystallizing his thinking through the intellectual channels of their mutual understanding."You can tell PB was a channel of mutual understanding beyond his wife that FZ needed. So were PamZ, Christine and many other bigger or smaller "muses" providing pieces of the always-expanding and never-to-be-fully-solved puzzle at different periods in his life.PB has spent her entire life thinking about that period but also has the smarts and writing skills to refine her impressions towards as much truth as possible (almost "Rashomon" style, giving multiple perspectives of each event from Pamela Zarubica aka Suzy Creamcheese, Gail Zappa, Ian Underwood, Cal Schenkel, Ruth Komanoff-soon-to-be-Underwood while maintaining her own dominant perspective enveloping them all throughout) rather than try to fit facts to her own questionable theories based on feelings, the way far too many less-accomplished female writers do all the time.On every page, sometimes in every paragraph, she is searching and analyzing and expanding the metaphors of her written language in whatever creative ways she can muster in order to understand more about the strange "reality" of this renaissance period of popular music and one of its primary creative forces and icons. The long and detailed letters her mother saved for her in England which she was able to refer back to in order to verify her memories give the book an authenticity unmatched by any other Zappa-related book except Arthur Barrow's, also based on his detailed records. However, Barrow's book was mostly about music and an entirely different Zappa era (all Zappa bands were great in their own right but some were greater than others), the late 1970s and 1980s, whereas Pauline's book is about the era of the wildest, funniest, most original, most soulful and most innovative progressive rock band that ever was, the original Mothers of Invention (plus the classically-trained virtuoso additions Ian Underwood and Art Trip III).Basically, if you're an FZ fan, especially an early FZ/Mothers-of-Invention fan, or even a researcher of the psychologically revolutionary decade of the 1960s, your sensibilities cannot afford to miss this book and your wallet will thank you for it! For what? For spending those symbols of energy, often represented by those ridiculous, legally counterfeited green-bills and similar compound-interest bearing chipped plastic spying cards, in the right direction. lolP.S. Mick Jagger, Marianne Faithfull, Roger Waters, David Gilmour, Richard Wright, John Mayall, Eric Clapton, Jeff Beck, Rod Stewart, Nicky Hopkins, Grace Slick, Spencer Drydren, Joni Mitchell, David Crosby, George Harrison, Patti Boyd, Sammy Davis Jr., Alice Cooper, Jimi Hendrix, Noel Redding, Linda Ronstadt, Haskell Wexler and Cynthia PlasterCaster are just a few of the famous characters whose paths cross that of Zappa's in this book."I had been with Frank about four years when, in the summer of 1982, I got married. A few months later, I made one of my regular trips to his house to deliver the last few pages of the score I’d been working on. As the meeting wrapped up, he announced that he had nothing more for me to do and that my job had now come to an end. My heart sank, but I told him that I knew this day would eventually arrive. I then thanked him for everything and said I should get back home to give my wife the news. When I got home, the phone was ringing. It was Frank, saying, 'I thought about it and I don’t want to put you out of a job when you just got married. I’ll find more work for you to do.' And he kept me on staff for almost another year. It was a completely unexpected gesture, revealing a kindness and generosity I hadn’t foreseen. It was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.It is a virtual certainty that if you spent time around Frank, your life would change, become bigger, grow more intense. With very little overt effort, he affected people profoundly. I’ve always wondered what it was about him that seemed to magnify reality for those caught up in his orbit."--- quoted from "My Time With Frank Zappa" by Richard Emmet (Revised from an article originally written for the Portland Songwriters Association newsletter)

I am a long time Zappa fan and was not aware of Pauline Bitcher. An English woman who lived/worked for the Zappas for some time in the late 60's-early 70's. It is an honest account of her time with them and the Mothers. As well as other eccentric/creative people connected to the scene. I recall the GTOS and it was great to hear their crazy story as well. A very well written fun read for people in the Zappa universe.

This book provides a great deal of insight into Frank Zappa, but I am more taken with the author and her own evolution. It is not news that Frank was probably the only true genius of his generation regarding composing, arranging and conducting to go along with his astonishing guitar prowess. He demanded excellence from himself and all those around him. He pushed everyone's buttons, asked questions and challenged people. He was also a narcissistic megalomaniac. He treated many people poorly and was chock full of double standards (especially towards women). He was also stuck in a stage of obnoxious and chronic adolescent sexual obsession. The way he treated and eventually fired the original Mothers was heartless and cold blooded beyond words. He went on for years afterwards degrading the Mothers musical abilities in interviews. On the other hand, Pauline Butcher, a somewhat naive, conservative young woman was sucked into the Zappa vortex after being assigned to do some work for Zappa when he was in the UK. From not knowing who he was to suddenly living in California in the horrid and disgusting mess of a log cabin once owned by Cowboy star Tom Mix, she was constantly badgered about why she didn't go around sleeping with anyone or everyone. It was the seeming obsession among the inhabitants, especially the women, whose petty jealousies and back stabbing knew no bounds. Coming from a background of negativity, Pauline thrived off any kindness shown her by Zappa and worked hard as the only level headed professional among the degenerate, slimy and murky creatures invading the log cabin. It was a place devoid of soul. She suffered greatly from hearing problems and a horrific chronic ear infection, but slogged on until she came full circle nurturing her own individuality beyond being defined by any association with Frank Zappa. She has become a strong, wise, kind and insightful woman. I think she always was, but it took the life on a road less traveled to finally get there. This book is a must, not only for fans of Frank, but anyone who could use the level of the evolving individuality provided by Pauline Butcher.

This book was absolutely fantastic! The writer puts you right there with her in the log cabin, and Woodrow Wilson drive. Also as a Frank Zappa fan I really enjoyed this different look at him from someone who spent quality time with him and who he clearly held very close. Her honestly is very admirable and she doesn't hold her punches what so ever. I couldn't recomend this book enough for any Zappa fan. Also the more romantic aspects were so cute and you can feel the writers excitement she must have felt at the time. Please go check this out!

Behind the legend and show business this is what was actually happening.

キンドルのサンプルでトム・ウイルソンが出てきたので購入して読みました一番最初のほうのザッパ氏のレコードプロデューサーですがその後は再登場なし少し残念実際に一緒に住んでいたイギリス人女性が冷静に思い出して書いた本です

Essential reading if you're interested on Frank Zappa's life during the 70's.The author provide plentifull of details and anecdotes thatare relevenat to FZ music and band life.

Surprised. Amazing insights into the Zappa world from Ms Butcher.