The Danish Way of Parenting: What the Happiest People in the World Know About Raising Confident, Capable Kids

An upfront confession: When we want to change something about ourselves, say our style of parenting, it's often very difficult to do with nothing more than desire. I've found, however, that if I can see the issue differently it often becomes much easier to operate differently, even when the circumstances are the same.The Danish Way of Parenting encourages us to take a long view in children's development, and this can allow us to see our role as parents in a new way. For example, the authors claim that in Denmark there is no such thing as the "Terrible Twos." Of course two-year-olds in Denmark are not some placid freaks of nature, but the Danes call this step in children's development the "Boundary Age," and don't see it as something to dread or get upset about. In other words, while we in US tend to see a two-year old at a defiant, willful stage that we must deal with by establishing our authority, the Danes see this age as the time when children start growing and experimenting to find out about the world and their abilities. Part of that experimentation involves the child learning where his boundaries are. No one argues that the child should get his way through temper tantrums, but it's easier not to overreact to children's behavior if we don't frame it as a direct challenge to our authority, but instead see it as an attempt to find out where their boundaries are.Much of the Danish way to parent seems to depend more on both parents being more involved in hands on parenting than we usually see in the United States. And their culture seems to encourage more interaction with the extended family than ours does, with their socializing appearing to be more child centered than ours. Those sorts of conditions require a larger number of people being on the same page to support children, and may not be useful as a model here. But the general way Danes see children's development and their relationship to their children might shed a lot of light on child rearing practices we can, and perhaps should, change.

It's hard to know where people are "at" in their parenting journey. But I'm already doing 90% of the things in this book. And so are most of the parents I know.I had such high expectations. But, alas, it's not particularly helpful. I'm in the trenches with twins. Our biggest parenting challenges? Sibling fights, Bath time, Dinner time, Bed time, crying, whining. So I rush to the table of contents and the index and look for these very specific items. Uhhhh... nothing. Except dinner time. Which the advice is essentially "don't worry about it."It seems some of their perspectives about American parenting seem to be a bit behind the times. I literally know zero parents who are raising their kids the way the authors describe American parents.Helpful: Reminder for mom and dad to know their limits and take time for themselves. Yadda, yadda, yadda... that's on every talk show and every advice column and every Facebook parenting page. Parents can only self-regulate to a certain degree. After awhile, come on... the kids have to step-up to levels of maturity to match their development.More helpful: The most helpful section is deep towards the end of the book. "Hygge time". We've modified it and it is helpful. We call it Cozy Time. Time when the kids and I simply sit on the biggest bed in the house, lower the lights and we talk and laugh and find out what's up in their heads. We won't be expanding it to the complete Danish Hygge thing (they're only 5) but time-out to breathe together, sit together, with no agenda and see what pops up for laughs and interest -- this is very valuable.Our kids are already 99% screen-free, TONS of time outside climbing trees, discovering nature, extensive play time, no-pressure for school, lots of laughs, tons of creativity, tons of drawing, making stuff, mom volunteers at school to see them in their element, constantly educating ourselves as parents and trying to justify babysitting expenses for nights out.If you're in the Danish culture and you have literally hundreds of people around you who have been brought up this same way, then these ways probably work. If you are an American parent, looking for parenting advice, I don't know if this book will help you. I'd suggest you borrow from the library or a friend and if you find it enlightening, then buy it.I too, love Danish things, simple furniture, philosophies, etc - but when you realize that Denmark is right behind the United Kingdom in alcoholics per capita, (Data from World Health Organization) one has to have a clue that there is a lot of repression in the Danish culture. Repressing true feelings and repressing social or other innovations in order to "get along". Alcohol certainly looks like a "helper" when one is emotionally repressed.My favorite and most helpful parenting book continues to be: HAVE A NEW KID BY FRIDAY. Following most and then modifying some of his hard lines in parenting when the kids are younger has been very helpful for us.

I feel like sometimes the author doesn't really understand the studies she's reading. You know those news write-ups about a study, and then you go and read the study and it seems like the journalist had no idea what they were reading? That's sort of the feeling I get reading this book. There are some nice parts, but nothing too mindblowing. The author's tone is a bit weird--if you end up reading it you'll get what I mean. She's an American trying to understand a different culture, but through her own American perspective. So it does come off as a little tone deaf. I did enjoy the section about empathy training in schools.

I enjoy learning about parenting techniques, styles, and methods of other cultures. I think it helps to keep things in perspective and is definitely good for thought. I've now recommended this book to several people because I enjoyed it so much! I appreciate that the authors didn't spend half the book explaining their education and how you should follow their methods because they are the smartest, most experienced, and have more credentials than anyone else in the world offering parenting advice. I also felt that it was a nice, easy-to-read, high level, big-picture kind of book. There was no "if your child does that, you should do this" sort of instruction. I really liked that it was more about general concepts, like reframing, with relatable examples. I find myself recognizing and thinking about the various concepts and ideas in my everyday interactions with my son much more so than any other book I've read (I've read quite a few), and it doesn't really require any effort to make the little changes in language and perception that I've made. I guess you could say that the book really expanded my understanding. I highly recommend this book!

a lot of fluff and chat around the concepts. Reads a bit like the authors have just sat down and written all of their thoughts about some common sense ideas and hit publish. Key message is be positive, just rephrased several times. not much very practical advice about implementation. For me a bit disappointing and I wish I hadn't spend the money on it.

Looking forward to our first baby soon so read this. It has totally changed how I want to raise my son. I went from thinking that I would raise them in one way (how I was raised) and now I see there is a lot more to it than that.Probably the best book I will ever read, due to its impact on how I will be a parent.

I love this book. I found it in the library and read it already. I wanted to have it in my library (in my kindle to be precise).This book offers a new, effective and easy way to bring happiness in your family. A smart point of view. Coach-like parenting which leads your child grow into a responsible, mature, confident person.

Love this book! I wish it was compulsory to read for all parents. A lot of things I expected and common sense things but explained well, backed up with facts and a really good insight into well being and good mental health through life!

I got thrown into parenthood when meeting my partner and his then one-year-old daughter. This book helped me immensely in dealing with her toddler stage at 2 and 3 in a more calm and healthy way. If you want some guidance for being a better parent and enjoying the experience more, read this book!