Friends, Lovers and the Big Terrible Thing: The powerful memoir from the beloved star of Friends

Wow! For many years I'd heard that Matthew Perry had had serious problems with drugs and alcohol, but I was absolutely stunned by the intimate revelations contained in this audiobook. By any logic, Perry's substance abuse should have killed him by now: his twin addictions to liquor and opiates should have ended his life many years ago. It's an absolute miracle that the TV and movie star has made it to 53 years of age. Fortunately, Perry has survived for long enough to write and record this brilliant memoir. I found this audiobook to be utterly compelling: I listened to it all in just two days. This memoir is really two books in one. At one level it chronicles the life of a wannabe Canadian actor who migrates to Hollywood as a teenager and ends up living the American Fantasy, staring in the most commercially successful sit-com ever and making many millions of dollars. But on another level it's the sad and appalling tale of a deeply damaged human being who spends decades battling with his crippling addictions. This level was for me the most interesting. The book begins in 2018, when Matthew Perry experienced the worst day of his life. While living in a rehabilitation facility with his female "sober companion" Perry suddenly experiences crippling stomach pains. The actor instantly realises that something is seriously wrong. After defying the facility's staff, who believe the actor is just faking it as an excuse to leave and get high, Perry is rushed into a local hospital by his companion. While there, his colon "explodes" and he ends up in a two-week induced coma. He will eventually be required to wear a colostomy bag for months. The colon problem was caused, of course, by his drug and alcohol addictions. It's this incident that finally causes Perry to for-once-and-for-all confront his demons. Perry then takes us back to his childhood, which is, of course, the cause of all his troubles. Soon after Perry's 1969 birth in Massachusetts to a Canadian mother and an American Father, the future actor's parents relocate to Ottawa, Canada, where Perry spends his next 15 years. Sadly, Perry's parents divorce before their child's first birthday and the father decides to return to the United States. John Perry heads for Hollywood, hoping to make it big as an actor. Back in Canada, Matthew Perry leads an unremarkable life: he's an average student but does become a decent tennis player, good enough to be ranked nationally. He has his first drink at 14 and instantly falls in love with alcohol. His mother remarries and has four children with her new husband. Matthew now becomes the outsider in the new family unit; he also begins to argue bitterly with his mother. The foundations of his self-destructive life have been laid. Aged 15, Perry decides to join his father in California. He had been routinely visiting John from the age of 5, always travelling alone as an "unaccompanied minor" because his parents couldn't stand the sight of each other. Perry is traumatised by those long, lonely flights to this day, he states. The unhappy child being shuttled back and forth across the North American continent grows up to be the unhappy adult who feels unlovable and who is terrified of commitment. Like many thousands of others who go to Hollywood, Matthew Perry decides that one day he is going to be rich and famous and even kneels down and prays to God for it to happen. For some reason Perry believes that fame and money will fill the "hole" inside him. Later, he discovers that it absolutely won't. After years of minor roles and failed projects, in 1994 Perry finally hits the big time with Friends. Suddenly, he and his 5 other co-stars are the most famous faces on television. But his life soon begins to fall apart. After a minor accident Perry quickly develops an addiction to prescription opiates, which, coupled with his long-term dependency on alcohol, causes his life to spiral out of control. Soon, his ability to lead anything remotely like a normal existence is severely affected. Perry's weight fluctuates and he is reduced to filming his movies and TV shows between stints in rehab. At one point he has to abandon the shooting of a film because he is too sick with his addictions. Like I stated earlier, this memoir is really two books in one. Perry's recollections provide a fascinating insight into the American entertainment world of the Eighties, Nineties and beyond. The unknown Perry of the pre-Friends days scrambles around Hollywood looking for any acting work while drinking and partying with his young buddies. At times he and his pals are down to their last few dollars. But when mega-fame comes, jealousies quickly emerge. One of Perry's closest friends abandons him and he doesn't see him again for two years. Perry also senses resentment from his own father. And just how much luck played a part in Perry winning the role of Chandler Bing will amaze you. But the addiction part of the book is fascinating too. Sometimes this memoir reads like an odyssey of rehabilitation institutions. Perry has travelled from as far Switzerland to Utah and all over the US in his search for a cure to his problems. The actor estimates that he has spent in excess of 7 million US dollars on therapy and his stays at various rehabilitation units. He is very bitter at this, at one point questioning their usefulness and railing against their greed. His illness has cost him a considerable chunk of his fortune. The book ends on a positive note. At the time of finishing the writing of the memoir, in early 2022, Perry has been clean for some time. He has even managed to kick smoking after his doctor warned him that he was risking developing emphysema by the age of 60. The actor still lives with the sober companion and spends much of his time helping other addicts and campaigning for better understanding and help for other people with substance abuse problems. Sadly, Perry has never married nor had any children. The actor's chronic inability to commit to a woman is highlighted throughout the book. Over-and-over-again during his adult life he has dumped girlfriends, convinced that they were about to leave him anyway. The agony of being abandoned by a woman is something his delicate psyche just can't cope with, and so he won't risk it. He even dumped Julia Roberts! This self-loathing is the key to understanding Perry's addictive personality: he just doesn't love himself enough. This is a superb memoir. It's brutally honest and very insightful. Worryingly, Perry's voice on the audiobook is that of an old, weary man. The actor sounds like someone in his seventies rather than a person of just 53. And recent pictures of Perry are shocking: he looks nothing like the beautiful young screen performer who was a heartthrob to millions of girls in the Nineties and the early part of this century. The drugs and alcohol have taken a devastating long-term toll on his health. But at least he's still alive.

Friends was a massive part of my early adult life, as I am sure it was for most of us. I religiously watched every episode as it came out and loved all the characters equally. It was a great show with the best kind of friendships and I’m sure we all wished we could be in their shoes. Through Matthew’s autobiography, he shows that even with money and fame, it can’t buy happiness and love. If you are hoping for a book filled with lovely snippets from Friends, then you will be disappointed. Yes, there are mentions but this book is about Matthew’s addictions and fighting his demons. We are taken through his younger years to adulthood. Having fairly high profile parents who divorced in his younger years, seems to have had Matthew craving attention. It was sad to read how important it was for him to always be the funny guy and make people laugh. It’s as if he was performing constantly. His addictions started with alcohol, smoking and then drugs which made for some emotional reading. Again, even with all his money and the therapy, he spent years battling to try and gain some control over it. I love his honesty throughout and it can’t have been easy to open up to this scale. I never realised how close he came to death numerous times and the amount he was drinking, smoking as well as drugs that he abused his body with daily. It made for some scary and heartbreaking reading. It saddened me seeing how much he wanted a normal life, to get married and to have a family and of course, in the end, he never did find it. In the aftermath of Matthew Perry’s death, this is a great insight into his life and that of an addict. I hope it helps others that are dealing with addiction and hopefully they find the help they need and what works for them. It was inspiring to read of how much he does for other addicts whilst still facing daily battles himself. His relationships with high profile ladies somehow made it even more sobering as again, he just seemed to be on self destruct. Thank you Matthew for all the laughs you gave us, I just wish you could have found the happiness that you brought us over the years.

Overall, I loved reading this however it was a tad repetitive. I thought there was going to be more on friends but it’s mainly about “the big terrible thing”, which is still interesting to read about but it’s just not quite what I was expecting. Still a great read though and I would definitely recommend it.

Having almost grown up with Matthew Perry and being of similar age, I was vaguely aware of his trials and tribulations with addictions, and due to his recent untimely death thought I would pick this up and give it a read. I hadn’t read any reviews or had any preconceptions of this book, it was just one of those Quick Look for a new book and quick select and buy . The book itself is heart warming in places and heart breaking in others, full with bitter sweet moments. And I have to say is written in a strange format , sometimes it can be a little hard to follow time lines etc. It feels like a person in absolute turmoil just pouring out his feeling and thoughts , troubles and tribulations In a way that comes across that this book was not a way to write his story but was actually a part of his own therapy and you can almost feel the release of all his hurt and troubles onto the page. It’s not well written, well edited or produced, however this adds to the charm that as you progress through the book you can feel his troubled life unfold. His battle of all things addictive is absolutely brutal at times and his rollercoaster ride of fighting this is evident all the way through, and the sad thing is towards the end of the book you feel his is winning and that he is starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, which we all now know isn’t the case due to his untimely death. If you are thinking this book might be fully of giggles, you won’t find much of it here, the odd wry smile perhaps. But this book is insightful of a person with chronic addiction and proof that money and fame can’t buy you happiness. After reading this it’s very apparent I thought I knew about Matthew Perry it was actually his character “ Chandler “ I knew and it shows our perception of who we see on screen can be totally different to the person behind the mask. A truly interesting biopic and worth the read

Great read

This book was an ok read. It definitely wasn’t a book you can’t put down. In fact I had to struggle to reach the end as most of the book was about his battle with drink and drugs and all his relapses. This is a book that should be read by anyone who is thinking of taking drugs and what it will do to you. In Matthew’s case he really wasted his whole life. Quite honestly he doesn’t come across as a particularly nice person…constantly referring to the beautiful women he was able to bed and even going out with two beautiful women at the same time because he couldn’t resist either of them…and then wondering why he was always lonely (mainly because when he was dating a woman he was always on the lookout for a more beautiful one). The other thing is he thinks he is a funny guy but his book did not contain anything that even bought a slight smile to one’s face. There again, I’ve never met a drug addict who is happy and who has a sense of humour. Drugs make people miserable and ruin lives and this book succeeds in proving that.

Very, very personal insight into the very funny but also very sad life of Matthew Perry. I felt slightly disappointed when I first started it because his words came across as a bit of a pity party, blaming parents divorce, Dads drinking, feeling abandoned, child of famous parents, etc. Not that different from a lot of Hollywood stars. However, after the first couple of chapters, you start to feel more connected to Matthew, the person, and the pressure he and his friends felt to achieve fame, conquer Hollywood and to feel successful and the price he inevitably paid for it. It’s such a terribly sad story to read. There is so much insight into what he was going through while filming Friends, it’s difficult to watch the reruns and not notice the weight changes, goatees and facial mannerisms that were telling a very different story than the light hearted sitcom portrayed. It’s actually not much fun to watch Friends anymore, now that I’ve discovered how much pain “Chandler Bing” was really in.

My Wife is glued to it

It is one of the best books to read to understand what happens behind addiction, and find a way to see the human behind.

Good

يحتوي ٨ سيديات مش واحد بسمعه قريب.. الكاتب ممثل في مسلسلي المفضل وعندي فضول اسمع قصته ماكنت اعرف كان يعاني حتى اثناء فترة التصوير ويمثل انه طبيعي ولا احد كان حاس شيء محزن الله يحسن خاتمتنا

É claro que Matt é mais uma pessoa privilegiada nesse mundo e que não teve condições de levar uma vida plena, muitos erros e acertos, muitos problemas que poderiam ser evitados mas a vida é assim. Apesar de tantos erros, é uma biografia a ser lida e analisada pois tem muito a nos ensinar. Devemos aprender com os erros dos outros, principalmente dos que têm a coragem de contar detalhes de sua vida com o intuito de ajudar outras pessoas.

I am a fan of Friends and Perry. Getting to know more about his life has taught me more about the actor, the man, but also helped me reflect on my life as well, at different levels, but the book is written in such a simple way that it was easy for me to draw parallels with my own person/life. The book made me go through all sorts of emotions and this is how I define a good book.