She's Not the Man I Married: My Life with a Transgender Husband

"She's Not The Man I Married" is, at once, a wrenchingly honest memoir of the author's own sometimes painful relationship with her gender (and with the cultural expectations and standards that those who grow up female are subjected to), and a perceptive, witty, and always-interesting commentary, from a feminist perspective, on many of the seemingly insurmountable complexities that lie at the intersection of gender, transgender, and relationship issues. Ms. Boyd makes no attempt to wrap things up neatly with pat solutions or easy answers -- because there are none -- and takes an unflinching look at the difficulties that a gender transition presents, not only for transpeople themselves, but, just as importantly, for those who love them. This is a worthy follow-up to "My Husband Betty," and, I think, is equally destined to be a classic in its field.

I thought the book was a great look inside the mind of someone who is married to a person who is transgender and considering transition. I thought it was really interesting the whole way through, and like most of it. I can't fault her for being honest, but parts of the book seem pretty defensive to me, and while she enjoys being married to someone who's trans, it's almost like she feels guilty for doing so. I also think it would have been nice to hear more about their feelings, and a little less of putting words in the mouths of "most wives". Other than that, I really enjoyed the read, and thought it was really insightful. BTW, if you are confused, she describes anyone who presents as female on a part time basis only as a "crossdresser", regards of their reasons for doing so or their gender status. I was a little confused by this at first.

This helped me to understand better my own transgender husband. However, I felt Helen spent a lot of time talking about her personal feminist issues, rather than sticking to the story about dealing with Betty. Those areas where Helen did talk about her fears and concerns I did find helpful - I no longer feel alone. I did feel though that as a couple they are both either ignoring or denying Helen's feelings about Betty's trans sexuality. How does Helen feel about Betty ultimately rejecting her physically, emotionally and sexually? How does Helen feel about Betty getting hormone injections, or SRS? Does Betty leave Helen at home evenings while she goes out with her trans friends? Does Betty refuse to let Helen know any of her trans friends? Do Helen and Betty go places or do things together where both would be dressed as women? How does each feel about that? Does Betty talk endlessly about trans friends, hormone therapy and SRS (ad nauseum)? Are there support groups for straight women married to trans MTFs in SF where a person like myself can get help? Etc, etc etc?

Whether you're a MtF in transition or the SO of one, this is simply the most honest and winsome understanding of the experience. No book I can think of so forthrightly and compassionately considers all facets that a transitioning couple experience. You owe it to yourself to read this book!

It was an OK book. I thought Helen goes on a little too much on certain themes. Some of the time it was like she was trying to talk herself into believing what was happening in her life with the transition of her husband.

This is a nonlinear journey through the joys, pain, uncertainty and hope of marriage to a trans person. The author frankly confronts many of the issues and offers her very perceptive view from a feminist perspective. She doesn't hold back, and this benefits us all, spouses, trans people and friends.

Helen Boyd shares her thoughts and feelings in a clear and open way. I have found it to be very helpful in reflecting on the many issues around crossdressing and the trans experience.

A good guide for anyone wanting to see a supportive (mostly) spouse's view of what going through transition with someone who is transgender is like. Based on life so it is not all rainbows and skittles, but it gives hope that transition does not have to kill a marriage

Excellent book for any woman coming to terms with living with a transgendered husband or partner, which I was. Very helpful. One tiny gripe - it was a bit full of angst. I have the attitude that you need to deal with the situation and then get on with life in your new roles. My partner is still the same person - even with a gender change. The situation has had many beneficial effects on our lives too.

...non esiste una traduzione italiana, quindi l'ho letto in inglese ma essendo scritto molto bene è stato un piacere. Il libro è una lunga stupenda dichiarazione d'amore per un marito smisuratamente, intelligentemente amato. L'autrice conferma che l'amore è conoscenza e di temi ne ha voluto conoscere molti con onestà e passione della quale per altro è ricambiata. Lo consiglierei anche a coloro che non sono coinvolti o interessati agli argomenti, è una lezione di vita e dello stare insieme, un'aprire gli occhi sulla realtà della nostra stessa vita.

Das Buch von Helen Boyd "She's not the man I married" schließt sich an den vorlaufenden Band "My husband Betty" an und beschreibt aus Sicht der als Feministin und Hochschullehrerin tätigen Ehefrau das Zusammenleben mit einem Crossdresser / Transgender auf sehr einfühlsame Art und Weise. Für jede/n am Thema Gender oder Transgender Interessierte/n oder selbst Betroffene/n ein ebenso schön wie auch spannend und sehr differenziert geschriebenes Buch - für mich zusammen mit dem Vorläuferband das Beste auf diesem Gebiet bisher Erschienene!

Realmente es una historia de dos personas trastornadas.

I am into the first few chapters, finding the book very difficult to follow. The author added a prelogue which leads me to believe the outcome was poor for them as a couple, the frirst few chapters so far present a completely different picture. Small print and poor layout make this a challenging read. I would believe thought that the author's story and well defined emotions/feelings are true and spot on to the life with a trans women.