Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting

I've read a lot of self help books trying to improve myself and my mental health. Most of the books are mediocre with a few good bits scattered through the pages, so I didn't go in to reading this one expecting much. I was very pleasantly surprised- astonished even. This book is amazingly astute- it read as if someone had watched my childhood and had taken notes, and then had taken a can opener and opened my head and peered at the thoughts inside and had written them all down, while leaving copious annotations to explain them to me. Everything written in this book was SO spot on and so applicable and so very relatable and understandable. As I told my therapist, I feel as though someone gave me a look at the code behind all the events and people in my life and I can now pinpoint where and why the irrational behaviors/events/emotions came from. I could not stop reading and doing all the exercises and polished off the book in a day and a half. I absolutely reccommend this book as a read for anyone who is trying to sort through the after effects of growing up with emotionally dysfunctional parents/family.

I've kissed my fair share of personal development frogs, enough to recognise Lindsay Gibson's book is a true prince. If you've struggled with belonging, with trust, with feeling loved and accepted as you are, or if you're prone to perfectionism, pleasing, performing, pretending or similar variations on the theme of "never enough", I believe this book can help you in profound and genuinely transforming ways. Many of us raised by emotionally immature parents (or guardians) struggle as children and as adults with feeling truly seen, understood, accepted or valued for who we are. This book is a wake-up call from this trance of unworthiness. It provides practical, accessible ways of reclaiming our individuality, our agency and so our lives. Gibson presents her concepts succinctly and clearly in an engaging, accessible way. Seamlessly blending sound and compelling research with a wealth of case studies, the narrative is grounded and practical whilst being fully alive and relatable. One minor gripe: although she touches on it, Gibson could make more of the role of trauma, personal and ancestral, as a means of understanding individual and family emotional maturity. By saying more she could circumvent the tendency, personal or cultural, to blame and shame, and invite greater compassion for emotionally compromised parents. That said, the whole point of this book is to help YOU heal and to wean you off trying to engage, win over or heal your parents. So many personal development books make lavish claims but fail to deliver much that can truly be said to be helpful much less transformational. If you're open to the often deeply tender work of realistically understanding your parents, and the debilitating burden of unhelpful relationship patterns and beliefs you may be carrying into adulthood as a consequence of their emotional immaturity, this book will empower you to put down your bundle and start living and loving from your true self. Healing, affirming and - for once - truly life changing. Addition to above: I felt very stirred up and unsettled for a couple of weeks after reading this book. For those new to self-enquiry or for anyone feeling particularly vulnerable around this topic, it may be wise to enlist support from a therapist, or compassionate and fiercely loving friend or mentor whilst taking this particular healing journey.

Speaking as someone who used to think self help was a airy fairy nonsense I have found this book to be one the best books I've ever read. There's a lot that reading the right books can do to helped us understand ourselves and the various dynamics and patterns we may feel like we are trapped within. Good books like this allow for an emerging awareness and understanding that can help forge new paths and somatic understanding if that makes sense It's clear and well written. There's no guff or language that makes the concepts and ideas seem anything other than relatable and easy to understand. Highly recommended if you feel like a victim of circumstances and life. It also made me understand a lot about my own behaviours in relationships..

As someone who is currently on my own self-discovery journey, this book has helped me in thinking more about my own upbringing as well as the highs/lows that came with it, including any decisions I did or did not make due to being raised in a very strict, religious environment. It has better helped me understand where I stand/used to stand with my own family as well as well as what I want from life. The stories on there whether fake or real, had me relating to some of their cases, as I had been in similar situations in the past and a lot of the exercises given helped me to better understand what my family situation was and is truly like. Though it also did help that some self-reflection on my part was already done beforehand. Overall, a great read!

As a codependant this book was life changing. - it explains what happened in your childhood and what you lacked that made you who you are today. This alone allows you to start your grief. - it teaches you about your freedoms: what is your birth right. This was absolutely freeing! I listed all these freedoms and read them daily to allow myself to start using them. Here are some of them: the freedom to make mistakes, to ask for what you need, to stop or limit your access to people, freedom to be misunderstood, freedom to meet your needs before doing anything even its work related (freedom to request for rest for example),freedom to have your own feelings (our emotionally immature parents taugh us to repress our feelings to make us more manageable), freedom from seeking worth through achievements, etc. There is a chapter about black and white thinking that is truly enlightening. It teaches you that your negative thinking is nothing but your parents voice (parents who are so limited that their only way to cope with life was to invent these black and white rules to judge you or 'seize you', rules that are so far off from the truth). I loved the chapter in the end about how does an emotionally mature person behave which I took as a guide to learn a set of healthy behaviours. Reading this last chapter was like starting my life over and having an emotionally mature parent to finally guide me properly. Thank you Lindsay Gibson.

I loved this book, it was incredible helpful and I definitely shed some tears reading it. I would give the author Lindsay a hug and a thousand years of gratitude for taking the time to write this. I was never crazy, or asking too much, or over emotional, or missing a screw in my head. I was a child of an emotionally immature parent. I wasn't ready to read this book until now because of the defensive and protective attitude I had towards my parents but at 30, it was finally time to face the music before I did myself (more) damage. If you have ever felt that you were born in the wrong family, or something was fundamentally wrong with you, or you drove yourself crazy trying to figure out what was missing when you were fed, housed and clothed - read this book! If you find yourself being drawn to relationships where you quickly fall into a pattern of being taken advantage of but feel bad for even expecting the other person to reciprocate - read this book! If you were isolated, lonely, and couldn't fit in with your peers despite people making multiple efforts to include you - read this book! If you have been told all your life 'trust your gut' 'go with your instincts' or 'use your intuition' but you have never had those feelings in the first place - read this book! It's just shy of 200 pages, which is perfect as you can break it down and do a chapter at a time. Don't over intellectualise the advice given - you can always come back to it! You don't owe your parents the grace of mentally defending them. Best of luck everyone! 5/5*

This is such a wonderfully informative, interesting book. If you grew up not being obviously abused, but still suffer greatly from the way your parents treated you, then I imagine this is a great book for you, as it was me. The way it describes situations and experiences, really hit home. It put into words, feelings and experiences I have had for many years, but could not process or articulate to myself or others. I diligently read this book and will keep it to hand to refer back to. It has already helped improve my mental health surrounding my parents, and helped me communicate with them better to where I am not as triggered and upset as before. I am able to observe their behaviour and remember the book and then process everything in a healthier way. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who struggles with their relationship with their parents.

Over the years I've done a tremendous amount of work that has helped me work through a difficult start in life. Nonviolent Communication, meditation, mindfulness, and polyvagal theory have all been vital supports, each providing a new healing thread. This book provides another, different healing thread. What I found especially helpful was that it was not just a new paradigm for understanding that was presented, but also included were workbook like checklists, relatable but short examples from the author's clinical practice, and suggestions for moving forward, rooted in one's particular personality. Seldom have a read a book where it felt like the framework for understanding zeroed in on key aspects of my experience -- both as a child and as an adult -- with such depth and accuracy. The book also helped me more accurately understand my parents. I knew my mother to be narcissitic, but to so clearly identify her as an 'emotional' type was very useful. I knew my father was distant, but again, the ty[es presented in this book helped me understand his role with more insight and clarity. Lastly, the discussion on freeing oneself gave me a lot of understanding about something I'd long known was true but didn't quite understand -- the feeling of great relief when my mother passed away. I now understand that and no longer feel any guilt about it. There's empathy to be received simply by the reading of this book. Looking forward to the Workbook that will soon be released in the UK. Fabulous book -- you won't be disappointed.

It was a gift but I think everything is good

This book is a must!

Produktrezension: "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents" Das Buch "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" ist ein äußerst hilfreicher Leitfaden für Erwachsene, die in ihrer Kindheit mit emotional unreifen Eltern aufgewachsen sind und mit den Auswirkungen dieser Erfahrungen umgehen möchten. Der Autor, Lindsay C. Gibson, ist ein erfahrener Therapeut, der auf die Dynamik zwischen Eltern und ihren erwachsenen Kindern spezialisiert ist. In diesem Buch deckt sie verschiedene Arten von emotional unreifen Eltern ab, wie distanzierte, ablehnende oder selbstbezogene Eltern, und bietet Erklärungen und Einsichten darüber, wie diese Verhaltensweisen das Leben ihrer Kinder beeinflussen können. Ein Hauptvorteil dieses Buches ist die Klarheit und Einfachheit, mit der Gibson komplexe psychologische Konzepte erklärt. Sie verwendet Beispiele aus der realen Welt und Fallstudien, um die Dynamik zwischen Eltern und Kindern zu veranschaulichen und den Lesern dabei zu helfen, ihre eigenen Erfahrungen besser zu verstehen. Ein weiterer positiver Aspekt des Buches ist die praktische Herangehensweise an die Heilung. Gibson bietet konkrete Strategien und Übungen, die den Lesern helfen sollen, ihre emotionalen Wunden zu heilen und gesunde Beziehungen aufzubauen. Sie ermutigt die Leser auch, sich selbst zu vergeben und Mitgefühl für sich selbst zu entwickeln, während sie den Weg der Heilung beschreiten. Das Buch ist gut strukturiert und leicht zu lesen. Gibson verwendet eine klare und zugängliche Sprache, die es auch Personen ohne psychologischen Hintergrund ermöglicht, die Konzepte und Ratschläge zu verstehen. Die Kapitel bauen aufeinander auf und bieten einen klaren Weg zur Heilung, wobei jedes Kapitel spezifische Themen und Herausforderungen behandelt. Es ist wichtig zu beachten, dass dieses Buch keine schnellen Lösungen oder Wundermittel verspricht. Die Heilung von emotionalen Verletzungen erfordert Zeit, Geduld und Arbeit. Das Buch bietet jedoch einen wertvollen Leitfaden und eine Quelle der Unterstützung für Menschen, die sich mit den Auswirkungen ihrer Kindheit auseinandersetzen und den Weg zur Heilung einschlagen möchten. Insgesamt kann ich "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" allen empfehlen, die in ihrer Kindheit mit emotional unreifen Eltern aufgewachsen sind und nach Heilung suchen. Das Buch bietet wertvolle Einblicke, praktische Strategien und ein Gefühl der Gemeinschaft für Menschen, die ähnliche Erfahrungen gemacht haben. Es ist ein hilfreicher Begleiter auf dem Weg zur Selbstheilung und zum Aufbau gesunder Beziehungen.

Easy psychology for everyone, explains emotional needs.

This book gave me great insight into myself and my family’s dynamics. I cherished the anecdotal stories, they lightened the heavy topics while making the concepts more relatable and clearer.