The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tools and Techniques to Stop Walking on Eggshells

I thought nothing could ever top the first book Randi Kreger co-wrote ("Stop Walking on Eggshells") but her newest book does it---I wish I could give ten stars instead of five. This seemingly simple book is one of the top five most useful books I've ever read in my life---I've already reread it twice, and will be reading it again in the years to come to help keep me in the right mental place. If you want to not only understand emotionally troubled people, but also do something concrete to help yourself, push the button and order this book right now. There are so many powerful and easy-to-use tools provided in this book that it's tough to figure out which ones to mention in this review. They all give concrete answers to the seemingly unanswerable question that always arises whenever you're faced by a troubled personality--what do you do about it? For example, I've always heard that you need to "set firm limits" with people who would overstep your boundaries. But personally, I never really quite understood what the word "limits" actually meant, and I certainly didn't know how to set them. Nothing I ever read on the topic helped much, because what little I found was so vague. But Randi gives example after concrete example of what limit setting actually means in a variety of situations, emphasizing throughout that it's important to understand your own greater sense of what's fair and right for yourself as well as for others. Her chapter on uncovering what keeps you feeling "stuck" provides a terrific explanation of a problem in relationships with people who are troubled. In the chapter on communication, Randi describes precisely how to communicate and actually be heard. And the good news is that it IS possible to get your troubled person to make changes---Randi tells precisely how to do it, even while you are improving your own health and life. If you are dealing with a person who is making your life miserable and who leaves you constantly feeling as if you are walking on eggshells, you need this extraordinary book.

I wish there was a better way to get the word out that this book is hands down a MUST read for anyone who has been impacted by someone they care about living with a personality disorder. I am a clinical social worker and I recommend this book whenever possible-- to the families of my clients, when I am giving presentations or teaching students. Although the book is specifically written for how to cope, understand and interact with someone living with BPD, Kreger offers some great suggestions for anyone in need of support for how to interact with a person having problems with interpersonal relationships and managing emotions. You can read the first chapter "Welcome to Oz" in it's entirety on Google Books. However, there are two chapters I continually find to be the most helpful. Chapter 3: "Making sense of your relationship" is excellent. It offers insight for the reader to better understand how BPD features challenge a relationship. Kreger describes easy to understand concepts such as childlike characteristics, low emotional intelligence, rejection sensitivity and impulsive aggression. I also highly recommend Chapter 9: "Communicate to be heard," which educates the reader on BPD communication deficits and how to create a "climate of cooperation" with the person living with BPD. Kreger walks you through step by step how to verbally acknowledge what the other person is feeling. She offers specific words that can be used with the person such as "I want to hear about it, but it's hard for me when things get too emotional. I want to give you my full attention and that's too hard for me to do right now. Let me have a little while to calm down and then we can talk" Kreger's writing style is accessible and easy to follow. There are case examples in the book, but they are not too overpowering. The book is packed with useful information that will hit home for many readers.

I love that this book gives many examples of interpersonal difficulties, and offers realistic alternatives. I feel more hopeful for the future, and I feel much less alone. Mental illness is a never-ending mystery, so much of the time, and it is rare to find information about how it affects the people around the identified patient, much less how the people around the IP can alter their own responses, not to mention influence the response of the IP.

I am a therapist and recommend this book to many of my clients who have a difficult person in their life. If you are struggling with a person you love who is blaming you, upset a lot and very volatile-they may have a personality disorder or strong characteristics of a personality disorder. I encourage you to read this book to help you understand and be able to set proper boundaries. It is a game changer book!

My copy is covered in post-its and highlighter and notes. This is a very good reference. Living with someone suffering from BPD can be a complex and sometimes discouraging rollercoaster. This book has practical explanations and coping mechanisms, and while it doesn't blow sunshine and rainbows up your skirt, it's more positively oriented than some other books. One thing I liked is the feeling that you're not alone, because dealing with mental illness (whether that of your own or someone else) is very isolating. It's also good to remind yourself that you are not alive simply to facilitate someone else, and not everything is your fault or your responsibility. It's not only ok, it's good to say no sometimes, and you don't have to take bad treatment because of threats of suicide or self-harm. The entries on setting limits with love are particularly helpful with that. I was also helped by the explanation of the emptiness felt by the borderline individual, and the inner pain. From the outside sometimes all you see is a screaming tantrum, and I was helped to be more empathetic about the outward manifestations of inner pain.

Good reference book for known personality disorder. Helping a friend qith husband problems.

This is the third book I have read on Borderline Personality Disorder. I love this one as much as the other two. First half of the book covers understanding BPD, relationship with someone with BPD, risk factors and treating BPD. There is a section on finding professional help also. The second section is called Power Tools; taking care of yourself, what makes you feel stuck, communicating, setting limits with the person with BPD, and reinforcing the right behaviors. The book is easy to read and I found it very helpful. I got this book and the others because I don't know if my son actually has BPD or Reactive Attachment Disorder. I have read a lot on RAD and BPD and RAD are similar and therefore this book and the others are helpful no matter which disorder it is.

This book provides a comprehensive guide for families who ride the puzzling roller coaster of borderline personality disorder. In order to absorb the information it must be read two or three times. I gave it to my grandson to help him set limits on his mother without feeling guilty about not rescuing her from her crises despite her pleas and screaming. He found it helpful to understand her behavior without becoming angry. It is well-written with concrete suggestions about handling various distressing issues. Of all the mental illnesses, borderline personality disorder is the most difficult to live with and to understand. This book covers it all.

This book provides tools that may be used to help navigate the interactions of someone who is mentally ill and also helps to emphasize the need to take care of ourselves in the course of such actions.

This book is simply the most helpful and informative that I have read to date and I have read quite a few. Randi Kreger has pulled a lot of very important and useful information together, that serves not only those trying to cope and understand this illness, but also a balanced and positive atmosphere for those that are suffering. It is a very difficult illness to deal with, but if you start by accepting that people trying to cope with their dysfunctional thoughts, are gravely misunderstood by those trying to help them, it is a good place to begin. I wish I had this book in my hands fifteen years ago, I might have been able to enable my daughter to seek a path out of the tangled mess of thoughts she lives in. This book not only gives you a very, very good understanding of the condition, but also HOPE! Borderlines can get better. Also, she points out that research etc. has changed the way professionals are starting to view this condition. It isn't always abuse. Like parents who lose babies in cot death, I have gone over and over what might have caused my girl to be so unhappy. This book has quite simply changed my life. It has given me something to work with (I always felt so b........y helpless and the NHS have been about as useful as a chocolate screwdriver. It has given me hope and what is so much more important, semantics! So very important and now I am changing the way I say and behave in order not to cause further damage to my daughter. If you have somebody in your life who has this condition, this book is a God send. It should be available on the NHS. I just thank my lucky stars that I found this book, it is helping me tame my Border Lion.

I recommend this book. It can be a great help.

A very helpful book for all the non bpds in the family.

I like the compassionate tone of the author. Gives real and practical tools to deal with difficult personalities. I don't loose emotional control anymore with my boyfriend. He deals with his unpleasant emotions now; not me. It makes me a stronger person with my difficult friends, clients and co-workers. This has changed my outlook on who to interact with people. So glad I stumbled on that book.