In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People

YES, YES YES!!! This little book does the job. I have read other books on similar topics which were good... but which just did not enable me to solve the problems or make the changes I was looking to make in my life. But THIS book actually helped me to SOLVE the problems and MAKE the changes. I wanted to highlight or scribble on every single page of this book. Dr. Simon "gets" what it is like to deal with the people he is talking about. But more importantly, he understands and explains the traits that we ourselves might be showing or the behaviors that we might be doing that make us like magnets for these folks. This book is straightforward and written for the layperson, so it does not bog you down in a lot of exposition and theoretical analysis. Dr. Simon writes clearly and is easy to read. One sentence logically leads to the next. This is not the type of book where you can skim whole sections without missing things. At first I thought I would not like the several chapters of examples. However, I later saw the method to this. As I read them, I not only recognized the behavior of the manipulators... I started to recognize my own behavior... and already in the examples, you can start to see where the victim is taking the wrong tack.... and your mind starts to see where the rest of the book is going to lead you. A few things really set this book apart, in my opinion: 1 - the acknowledgement that some aggression is just that, aggression because someone wants something. It is not always because they're "hurt, damaged, suffering, etc etc etc" Sometimes they are just aggressive about wanting things. 2 - the recognition that some of use have traits or qualities which in the best of all possible worlds would be desirable traits - like being caring, concerned, conscientious and not cynical - but which when faced with manipulators make us very easy targets. This explains why some of us end up with so many users, energy vampires or manipulators in our lives. When I recognized some of these traits in myself, I really cringed. Some of us are easy targets, and if we want change in our lives, we have to change and grow in certain areas. We cannot expect to make others change. WE have to change. 3 - The recognition that we, the victims, can experience significant frustration and even depression from being manipulated. I so recognized the exhausted hopeless feeling he described. 4 - The straightforward way Dr. Simon explains how our mind and our gut have a disconnect when we are confronted with manipulative tactics but cannot see or understand a logical reason or goal for it and how we allow ourselves to get fooled. 5 - The simple but fantastic strategies that he proposes as Rules of Personal Empowerment. As I read these I realized that implementing these - which might not be easy for many people - would basically solve about 90% of all "people problems". A lot of it boils down to solid common sense and self respect. A lot of it entails all tidbits of all sorts of advice I had read elsewhere. But somehow it is presented through the prism of dealing with manipulative people and in such as way as to make it extremely compelling. But living by these rules really put a person in an excellent position in charge of their own life. These are all rules that most of think we would want to live by... but do not as well as we could. Reading this book was like a floodlight going off in my head and all around me. I literally changed OVERNIGHT and my life improved for the better. I did not need therapy. I did not need to think about it. I did not need a "process". I just needed implemented one of the strategies with a particular problem person in the way the he described and the effect was no less than stunning. I can only imagine my life continuing to change for the better. I have read several book on this and similar topics and THIS is the ONE book I will recommend wholeheartedly. If you currently have a problem dealing with manipulative people, then all the information in all the other books has not helped you. Get THIS book and DO what the book suggests - in fact, do it routinely and I would be very surprised if it does not change your life for the better.

This is my first book review and I had to write something….. This book by far has been more valuable than any self-help book I have ever read in my life! Unlike self-help books however, it doesn’t justify poor behavior, or jump on the low self-esteem or addiction band wagons… it simply explains a growing societal problem and its impact on building stable social relationships. If you are a person who constantly, worries or concerns themselves with the quality and quantity of your relationships and what you may or may not be doing wrong this book is for you. If you find yourself frequently on the receiving end of aggression, bullies, negativity, people that don’t understand NO, rudeness, or your kindness being mistaken for weakness this is the book for you. If you have any moral fabric, prescribe to any type of spiritual balance in your life, and get met with resistance at attempts to compromise this is the book for you! I could go on singing its praises but I will simply say read this book! This has to be the most well put, to the point, straight no chaser, quick succinct book on significantly character flawed persons and their behaviors. This book doesn’t blame, shame, or judge anyone. It clearly states something most people have always felt in their guts but ignored when dealing with certain people i.e. they are aware of what they are doing they simply don't care or don't care enough to behave diffrent.... this behavior is a well-known phenomenon in our society that has been growing over the past 20 years….the encouraging and dismissing of social deviance. The outcome from that trend is impaired or absent character/aggressive manipulative individuals who have chosen to operate as such in their day to day life. This book doesn’t just dump everyone in silos of black and white thinking or claim mental illness it gives you the extremes and every one in between! In most cases if you are a conscientious person and respect the rights of others, and expect the same in return there’s a good change you have been blindsided by quite a few of these individuals as family, friends, coworkers, or just as casual acquaintances. For the first time all the behaviors I have seen in my life that never made any sense to me why anyone would mistreat, behave poorly, callously, or inappropriately with very little remorse or concern for the impact on another made perfect sense after I read this book. The book even addressed in the final chapters how to "handle" these individuals very clearly….in short arm yourself with information and take the rose colored glasses off! The author gives clear ways to arm / become aware of “signs” of manipulative tactics. It’s no different than any other area in life….For example: If I want to be a better driver I learn defensive driving after regular drivers training principles so I’m more adept at how to handle the uncertainties on the highway. If I want to advance my education and job opportunities after high school I go to college or develop a trade that assists with my marketability…Same principles apply to human interactions.... Some of us were raised as and continue to raise children with morals but as we grow we can develop ways of interacting that make us basically “marks” for manipulative people. Manipulative people have chosen to relate in a destructive manner period…and if you are unable to “adapt” and become aware of their existence then you will suffer from the inevitable skid marks in life when they run you over and throw you under the bus instead of learning to get out their way when they come down the street. Now I’m not saying this book says to always “avoid” people like this. This book gives many examples of people adapting but mostly they are close family relationships with destructive manipulative individuals. I’m only assuming most of these cases did not "desire" to separate from these individuals. But if you are like me a single person wondering why limit setting and boundaries and all the other psychobabble we are taught to say and to do is ineffective and useless on some people who we try to maintain relationships or friendships with, well then, this book will make everything more clear. I will admit you may find as I did that you may have adapted some unhealthy or manipulative ways of interacting as well do to exposure to these persons. So if you want to fully benefit from this book have a willingness to focus on your own boundaries and behaviors because manipulative people are the same with EVERYBODY not just so called "nice folks" but nice folks get the most abuse because we refuse to accept what we see before us.

On these days which we are so distracted with technology and social networks maybe we are more vulnerable to be a victim from a manipulative persons next to us. This book will help you to recognize manipulative actions and give you tools to you empower yourself against these manipulative techniques. A very interesting and helpful book. 🤓

This book accurately describes a covertly aggressive person. It shows in detail the many techniques people use to manipulate you and gain the upper hand without you even knowing it. It is well written and easy to read, and extremely interesting and informative. For someone like myself who recently discovered a bad manipulative person in my life, it described this person exactly and helped me better understand my suspicions. It also helped point out all the tactics that this person had used to make me back down while he was covertly stealing my money and gaining the upper hand. There are a lot of bad people in this world who do not have the conscience that most of us are forced to live with. As the title describes, they are like Wolves who hide in Sheep's Clothing. This book will help you spot them earlier so you don't become controlled, broken hearted and confused, or financially drained. These are smart people who will use your good heart to their advantage. Defend yourself with this knowledge!

nice

This book helped significantly with ongoing issues. It was an eye opener and had very practical tools to make a difference. Definitely worth reading!

Fore first time someone put light on character building, nowadays people will only say this os my personality while having no character building.