Healing the Adult Children of Narcissists: Essays on The Invisible War Zone and Exercises for Recovery

As the adult child of a narcissistic father and a mental health therapist, I can say unequivocally this is the most comprehensive, helpful, complete guide to understanding my own upbringing and my healing, and how to work with those who share in this plight. Arabi writes in clear, easy to understand language, and covers aspects of being in relationships with those who are narcissistic, that I have not found in other books. Her guidance on healing and exercises to begin practicing are so helpful and right on the money. I deeply resonate with the material, and I highly recommend it!

I have read a number of books on NPD. While each has its merits, Healing the Adult Children of Narcissists is exceptional. It is probably the most comprehensive book I have read on the subject, and covers narcissist traits, symptoms experienced by Adult Children of Narcissists like myself, and most importantly, exercises for self-growth, unraveling the deep emotional wounds and healing. If you have ever felt alone in your struggle, reading this will change that. There is an entire chapter dedicated to survey responses from those who have experienced narcissist abuse. Can’t recommend this book enough. Thank you to Ms. Arabi for sharing your brilliant work with those of us who have a great need for this material.

I stumbled across this book by chance. And I’m glad. I recommend it to anyone trying to spread their beautiful wings and break free from the false feeling of guilt, shame, self-blame, unworthiness, etc. It might help you understand if the root of your misfortunes and mental burden is hidden deep in your childhood, and learn about your superpowers. Do you have people in your life who instead of lifting you up, downgrade you? Do you feel that you have to constantly prove that you are worthy? Good news—you are worthy! Read the book if that’s your case. It will help you spot the signs of narcissism and give you “the power to observe the toxic actions of others from a detached perspective. When we are allowed to observe the chaos from a place of calm observation, we can then better look for solutions rather than continuing to feed into the problem.” The author highlights the necessity to set healthy boundaries with mentally immature parents, and sometimes even to say “goodbye” to protect your physical, emotional, psychological, and social well-being. I agree with her message to not allow hate and evil thoughts make your heart bitter. Whatever you have been through, be more self-compassionate, and show compassion to others, because God is love, and you are His child, and you must honor what honors God. And this theme is much better covered in the book “Good Boundaries and Goodbyes” by Lysa Terkeurs —I sincerely recommend it! “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven.” Christ Jesus, Lord and Savior

I have read many books on narcissism and how to heal and grow from being raised in it. Unlike this book, most others tend to be solely opinion based and don't understand nearly the depth of the issue. This book provides not only names to issues, but also steps to overcome those issues. I also appreciate that it is more research based rather than tapping into a difficult topic with no background understanding. I would highly recommend this to anyone who has struggled, or struggles, with this.

I spent 10 years trying to fix my problems on my own, because I thought that there was something wrong with me as a person, that I was defective. I never understood how deep the problem really was until I read this book. This book motivated me so much, I was able to both accept responsibility for what was mine and to stop obsessing over and trying to fix what was never mine to deal with in the first place. It helped me to realise that I didn't have to fix it alone, and that I wasn't weak for needing help to fix things. This book taught me to set boundaries, and doing so allowed me enough space that I was able to get into therapy with an empathetic, trauma specialised professional. I was able to avoid the dangerous and negative therapists that are out there, the types of invalidating people I have run into in the past. Those negative experiences kept me from trying to find someone better, but this book helped me to try again. Therapy is what gave me the space to make the greatest progress, and without this book I never would have made it there. I not only read this book, I gave it to a sibling, and they passed it on to another friend. I also bought another copy for a different relative. I definitely, whole heartedly recommend this book, especially if you are from a similar cultural background as the author.

I cannot adequately express the extent to which this book continues to positively impact my life. From the first paragraph in the Introduction, I felt as if the author were narrating my life. Although I am an easily distracted reader, I have been able to focus on the content without difficulty because of the way it's organized, the level of detail and explanation, and examples of what one might experience as an adult. This book is giving me: 1. The benefit of naming and organizing all of the "stuff" I have been carrying since childhood 2. Validation in knowing that I'm not defective, my parent with NPD was 3. Reassurance in that I am not the only one with these awful childhood experiences 4. The opportunity for healing 5. Hope I am definitely pro-therapy/counseling, but this book has done something critical for me that I didn't get or wasn't able to accept through counseling. I now have the perspective I need to shed the cloak of pain, shame, and distorted self-image. I recognize this as a lot of credit for one book. However, the content and presentation are exactly what I needed, and I am so grateful.

I am the son of a narcissistic mother. This book described so well my experiences, and the personality traits on both sides. I've read other books on the subject and while they were good, this is the gem in my opinion. I am working thru the healing ideas now and finding emotional peace. Arabi simply hit home and connected with me.

I just started reading this book and already I can tell how well written and researched it is. I’m looking forward to reading the whole thing. I wanted to post pictures of the table of contents and the introduction because I thought it would be helpful to others.

Many many techniques in this wonderful workbook, written with humanity and knowledge. Easy to read. Insightful. Hope. The Kindle matchbook program can't seem to work, so in order to open the links you'll need to get the kindle edition.

Se você se sente estranho, desvalorizado, inferior, vive se comparando com outras pessoas, sempre se envolve com pessoas tóxicas, está infeliz no trabalho, acredita que tem algo errado com a sua vida então leia esse livro o quanto antes. A descoberta de que você foi criado por pai ou mãe com essa terrivel patologia chamada Narcisismo (e suas diversas ramificações) é chocante e pesada mas fundamental para você se libertar de uma vida de repetições e auto sabotagem a nível subconsciente. A autora é direta ao ponto e detalha as características sórdidas e atitudes covardes da personalidade de pais narcisistas em relação a seus filhos. E vai além: traz um pouco das consequências e das prováveis patologias que você acaba desenvolvendo. Esse abuso sofrido na infância te leva a se relacionar com pessoas perigosas na vida adulta, trazendo ciclos de repetições intermináveis, a conclusão de que a vida não vale a pena, o esgotamento físico e mental, provocando um possível colapso. Não encontrei uma versão traduzida desse livro. No entanto, ler esse tipo de assunto em inglês é a melhor opção pois, dependendo da tradução, a leitura fica prejudicada. Livros assim deveriam ser divulgados à exaustão. Doenças mentais não tratadas podem, definitivamente, acabar com a qualidade de vida e destruir gerações da mesma família.

Wow! This book is so helpful. It accurately describes what is actually going on when you are in a relationship with a narcissist. The abusive behaviour that is so covert and insidious that you actually believe the whole time that you are the problem... until the truth starts to emerge. You realise that you are under a spell and that all of the time it was them. This book exposes it all; the tactics and strategies of the narcissist are no longer invisible. Now all can see exactly what is happening: lack of empathy, stonewalling (silent treatment), emotional neglect, envy, sabotage, verbal abuse... it is all there. Thank you Shahida Arabi! Your message is truthful, clear and empowering!!!

Fantastic book. I love all her writings. So insightful and healing. I highly recommend.

This book is powerful and I vividly recommend it to all the people out there who had the misfortune to encounter a narcissist.