Avoidant: How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner Paperback – October 2, 2014

This book literally changed my life. I am a woman and always had an attachment style that is sometimes fearful avoidant sometimes dismissive avoidant. Everything the author describes about avoidant people matches perfectly what I am, what I did or do and how I feel. I stumbled across other avoidants in my life and like the author says the relationships between me and other avoidants were always short lived because the "why bother" factor was just too much.This book is priceless both for avoidants like me and for non avoidants. I think almost everyone in their life will happen to date some avoidants, especially if you are still single above 30. This book gives you the tools you need to exactly understand where you stand. It saves you so much pain. For me, it has helped understand why I always feel caged when in a relationship, why I never seem to find the right person despite the fact that I am fit and reasonably attractive. Also it allowed me to understand how poor my communication is and how out of touch with my emotions I am.Many of the men I briefly dated told me I sort of behave like a man. I could never understand exactly why, as I never had manly manners. This book made me realize it is because I often act like I don't give a damn about relationships (and in most cases I don't give a damn for real). The author clarified that avoidants are more often men than women so now I also understand why my dates had that feeling that I behaved like a man.I would seriously give this book 100 stars. So far I can honestly say it has been the most helpful book I have read in my entire life. I read many books about relationships but this went right to the core, the root reason, why my relationships were always disfunctional. As an avoidant, they were bound to be dysfunctional because I made them so. Now with this awareness I think I can learn to be better and hopefully start a secure and mature relationship

I agree with one of the other commenters...this book saved my life. I accidentally stumbled on "Fearful Avoidant" after months of research trying to understand why my man dumped me via text after a whirlwind romance. Of course, I had to find one of the guys that fits into the very rare 5% of Fearful Avoidant...It was the most painful and traumatic experience I ever had, but thanks to Jeb Kinnison, it makes perfect sense. In fact, having this understanding allows me better patience, understanding, and empathy, and my relationship has found a second chance with solid psychology behind it, no guessing, and no more taking anything personally!!! I was stuck on the belief that my man was simply a Passive Aggressive Narcissist, but thanks to this book, I realize that is not the case. He is a good man who craves a relationship with me yet is so afraid I'll change for the worse or give up on him. Trust issues your avoidant has are NOT your fault; read this and stop blaming yourself!!I'm grateful for Jeb Kinnison for writing this book and explaining in very clear, yet detailed terms, why avoidants act the way they do. This book turned out to be the only thing that gave me answers and ultimately true comfort. I really enjoyed how the author went into describing the many scenarios and/or conversations that are common with dating an avoidant. This book is very enlightening. Save yourself from heartache and pain, either by understanding your avoidant and trying to salvage the relationship - or - know what to look for early on so you no longer feel frustration in trying to get someone to commit. Everyone needs to read this book!!!

I bought this book when I was in the middle of a relationship with an avoidant. Interestingly enough, I have some avoidant tendencies as well. It's nearly a miracle we got the relationship started.I think this book assumes a little too much - in the sense where she believes certain relationships never work between certain attachment styles. I believe we have to remember everyone is on a different scale - in terms of their attachment style - from extremes to mild. Attachment styles can also be changed with therapy and a lot of self work.There was a wrinkle in my particular relationship that I didn't find out until later. After we broke up, I realized my ex had all of the symptoms of borderline personality disorder. I know this isn't a book on BPD, but if you're seeing some classic signs of avoidant personalities, it wouldn't hurt to read up on BPD.Get it simply for the insights it can have on your relationships.

If you are thinking of getting this book (presumably you either have or are considering a partner with an avoidant attachment style) - then this is a MUST read. If you are a person WITH an avoidant attachment style this should be a MUST read.The book is well written. And as someone who has recently discovered their long term partner has an avoidant attachment style, this book is accurate, insightful, and informative.I have now read it 5 times.I also strongly recommend the book: Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find - And Keep - Love by Amir Levine. (If you are new to the basics of attachment theory, start with Attached, and THEN read Avoidant.)

This book is very insightful and great for learning the ins and outs of attachment. With that said, I was pretty disappointed that it made relationships seem impossible unless you’re secure.We all have to work towards being secure, yes, but it is a process. It’s really not a book on how to love a dismissive avoidant. It’s a book on understanding them, while not being with them.