Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting (The Peaceful Parent Series)

Is this book for you? Let me state some questions, each one a little harder than the last. Is your child under the age of 6? If yes, then this book will probably work, if older, I'd really suggest a book for older kids. Are you at your wits end with the yelling, fighting at every turn and constant nagging to get simple things done with your child? If yes, then maybe this book IS for you. Have you noticed your current parenting methods are simply not working? If yes, then possibly, this book is for you. Lastly, the hardest question of all, are you willing to admit that you are most likely the biggest part of the problem with your child's misbehavior? If you can answer this question yes, then this book WILL work for you. But it does require you to dig deep and examine your own past, your own feelings, and your own problems and accept and work to fix them before your child will ever respond to these practices in the book. A little background on us: I have been struggling with my 2 year old daughter. She is very high needs, she is very stubborn and extremely intelligent. Add her constantly not feeling well from ear infections and eventually a perforated ear drum from tube malfunction, she was just rotten. A few months ago we were headed down an awful road. Tantrums every night, timeouts, me frustrated and angry and feeling like I've been through a war every night after she finally went to sleep. I cried everyday, I loved her but nothing was working, I didn't want to be THAT parent that broke her spirit but she wasn't listening to anything I said, she was getting violent, throwing things, hitting, just all around angry. I started reading this book out of sheer desperation, I was lost and felt completely alone and the ultimate failure. In the few weeks I've started the practices in this book, both Lise and I have done a 180. The tantrums are few and far between, and when they are there, they are short and very manageable. Lise has become affectionate with both her daddy and I. She freely gives kisses and hugs when before she refused any affection. She listens to what I say, she has started playing by herself and not demanding my attention 24/7. It's crazy and wonderful, I understand her feelings better and she's getting better at expressing whats going on and even more, handling her emotions and working through them herself. I just can't say enough, time outs, spanking all that is completely gone in our house. Even the word NO is very rarely used. Lise has started understanding and respecting our limits with little to no toddler stubbornness. She wants to make us happy and I can literally see the confidence building in her. Things aren't perfect, but they are absolutely better. At first reading this book, I was like um, no, there is no way that this could work. My wild child will walk all over me when I start this so called "love" parenting. But as I mentioned, I was desperate. I didn't want to spank her, I didn't want to drag her kicking and screaming to timeout, I didn't want to isolate her or be constantly telling her no she can't do that, no she can't do this, no, no, no. I knew deep down what I was doing wasn't right regardless of what family members suggested based on their experiences. They told me to come down hard on her now or she will only get worse. I was angry, she was angry, we both had no idea what to expect from each other that day, so we both went into the day guarded and short tempered. I knew I loved her dearly, and I tried my best to try the old school parenting practices with her but it was only making her worse. Yes, she listened most of the time based on threats when we were out in public or at someones house, but I now know that was only because I was humiliating her and would've done it further by spanking her or forcing timeout in front of people she simply wanted to interact with. I know what you are thinking, she is only 2, 2 year olds don't think on that level, but mine does. I can't speak for yours. Once I'd bring her home, the "old school" practices would break down, and I would be forced to yell, time out, and spank. Tantrums would be hours long, kicking, screaming (screaming on both of our parts) and hitting. The child lived in time out. It simply wasn't working. I was desperate for any alternative, and i thought, well, she is already unmanageable, what more could this do...So I started doing little things as I read them in the book. Before I was even done, I saw changes in her. Dramatic changes. I'm currently on my second round reading it. She wants to listen to us, yes she is a toddler, but often with a simple compromise, or a promise (that is ALWAYS kept on my part) to come back when time allows for whatever activity she is involved in, we can get through just about anything without screaming, or acting like a wild child. We understand each other so much better, we talk, we laugh, we have a blast together...I look forward to continuing this peaceful approach for the rest of her life. I'm sure there will be breakdowns, yelling, but I'm confident that we can work through just about anything together.

Although this book is based on accepted, current, scientific work, Laura Markham's humanity, experience and practicality shine through. I swear this book has made me a better grandparent. It helped me see the world through the little ones' eyes and carefully suggested strategies, scripts and thoughts which have directly helped me sail through some rough waters with my grandchildren. Soon after reading the book, I had an encounter with one of my grandkids, one who has difficulties with many tasks and melts down very easily, even at age 7. He burst into tears when I reminded him to go to the bathroom before we left the house. I was puzzled by this response, and had an instinct to dig in my heels and respond with annoyance and strictness. Instead, I thought, "What would Laura do?" I actually felt myself at peace as I pulled back and said with some humor that boy, he really, really didn't want to go to the bathroom, but he had not had an accident in years, so it didn't seem worth a battle. I said that I was surprised at his reaction, but something clearly must be bothering him, so we could skip it or did he have another suggestion about what to do. Suddenly, he calmed down, radiated gratitude for my acknowledgement of his distress. He suggested that if he could take his coat off, it would be much easier and off he pranced to do so. Laura's voice in my head, her examples, humor, equanimity and solid scientific basis--all made me love this book. I bought one for each of my adult kids, whose children range from newborn to age 8--something in there for everyone.

I’ve read a lot of parenting books and this one really resonated with me. We have a beautiful strong willed child and butting heads wasn’t working. We’ve always been calm in our approach so yelling was never an issue. Half way thru this book, the techniques of connection and reconnection was already working for me. Well worth your time…and you’ll be highlighting a lot.

This book touches on your own self regulation as a major aspect of being a peaceful parent, and the more I practice the strategies, the more I know how true that is. Also it's not just about trying to get your child to be obedient but to help this growing/ developing little person flourish thru emotion coaching for self regulation and allowing your repeated connection to get you both thru the tough times. I enjoyed his book because it offers an makes sense alternative to the common ideologies growing up, but i still have doubts if all of it is really possible without "punishment"- timeouts etc. While this book gave plenty examples of how to practice each strategy, I find that I may need to re-read this book or find more resources so that I can fully incorporate them in daily life, just because it's shifting to something else from what I'm previously familiar with. There are so many different parenting styles out there and I would really like to get behind this one since I feel it's more in line of how we would like to parent. We will give it a try and just if needed. I will also be referring to the Ah! website as a resource.

Admittedly I am not finished with the book, but the first unit of the book, which focuses on helping yourself calm down first is just so amazing that I cannot wait to post a review. I will update my review when I am finished with the book. First, I want to address those who downgrade this book because it is just "common sense." Well, this information may MAKE SENSE once you read it, but it is not common sense to those who were not raised with so called "common sense" parenting. I have gone to plenty of parenting classes and read many books on the subject, and I've even read a book on how to stop yelling at your kids. Though I have really learned a lot, I have not been able to stop yelling and stop letting the primitive part of my brain, rather than the logical part of my brain, take over the task of discipline. This is the first time that I have read a book that firsts focuses on how to take care of yourself before you try to discipline your kids. All of the other books and classes have focused primarily on how to replace the yelling with other options, but really didn't help the reader take care of themselves so that they can eventually keep from having that feeling of yelling. One of the things that I love about this author is her honesty, and her willingness to say what we all think at times, and her willingness to tell us that it's normal to think like that, but we need someone to tell (even if it is just a friend), and we need to find a way to diffuse our situation before we lose credibility with our kids. The most valuable things that I have take away SO FAR, are 1) it is not an emergency, you can come back and deal with it after you have diffused yourself, 2) walk away, 3) "Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible." ~ Dalai Lama, and 4) by regulating our own behavior, we are teaching our kids how to regulate their own behavior. None of this is easy, so the author outlines steps on how to diffuse yourself, how to keep yourself from yelling in the first place. Then the author goes on to tell the reader how to discipline without taking away stuff and privileges (which never works, I've found my 7 year old, and only makes the situation worse), but I haven't gotten to this yet. The very next morning (my worst time of day with my kids) I was able to follow the steps outlined by the author to keep myself regulated and it worked so well. They were quite motivated to do the things I was asking them to do. Here I was then able to implement other techniques I have learned over time, like asking them what their responsibility is at that moment, rather than just telling them to go get dressed. When they can answer it for themselves, then they are more likely to go do it themselves. I would not have gotten to that point, though, if I had started all angry and hyped up. I was so excited to get through a morning without yelling and even being able to calm down and breathe through the small things, like waiting for my 5 year old to click his seatbelt (which takes an ETERNITY).

I buy all sorts of products on Amazon.com, probably two or more each week. However, this is the first review I've ever taken the time to write. But I'm taking the time today because I realize that maybe my review will convince a frustrated parent to buy this book. We have three kids, aged 9, 5 and 2. We realized how much our hearts sank when we yelled at our kids, how sad it seemed to send them away to "time out" when they misbehaved. There was a feeling deep in our guts that we knew we were doing the wrong thing, even though our parents and -- pretty much everyone we know -- said that this was the "right" way. "You need to be the boss", etc. Coupled with the fact we were getting stuck in a punishment rut with our 9-year-old son, we knew there had to be some help out there, a better way to work with our kids to show them we love them while also guiding them to make the right choices. I realized that I spent more time online researching which washing machines or flip flops were the best than I did educating myself about parenting. How ridiculous! I think it's a common mistake, however, since there's this unspoken myth that we should just proceed as our parents did. Even if we had great parents, and I did, it doesn't mean they really knew how to raise kids without yelling, or even a spank on the bottom now and then. And I just didn't want to do that. This book lays it all out in a very clear way, using evidence-based research and action guides. Once I started reading the book it all seemed so clear and obvious: treat your kids as you would like to be treated, use empathy and kindness, while setting limits. It's not an overnight transformation, however -- a lot of work changing your behavior is required. My husband and I constantly remind each other not to yell, and to approach each situation with love rather than a firm voice and consequences. We receive Dr. Markham's daily emails, which are incredibly helpful, and flip through the book often to remind ourselves how to handle different situations. In the heat of the moment, it's easy to forget what seemed so clear and inspiring the day before. This is a fantastic resource that is changing the dynamics of our family every day -- for the better!

I bought this book for multiple parents, mostly the one's that were complaining or struggling. At about 18 months my daughter started to challenge me in a way that made me question my parenting skills, by 2... I was as my breaking point. As a single parent and devoted mother...Laura helped me find the inner strength to do the right thing and remind myself constantly what my daughter needed. I get her blog emailed to me and I love it. This book should be required reading for every parent. I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt, if you follow the practices in the book, you will be see a difference in your child's behavior. Your child can be difficult to manage at times, but is only a mirror of your effort. All kids have bad days, but as the book says, meet their needs and when you do you will be rewarded with a loving child that sometimes cries or acts out, but it only a sign that you need to do a little more. I now view my daughters crying or acting out as a red flag that I need to do more to connect with her. When I do, I get to feel that special bond that makes me glad she felt comfortable enough to let me help her through it. I can't say enough about this book and advice given. I am not prefect and still have my moments, but they are less often and less severe and I apologize and talk to my daughter about it afterward. Still working on myself as that is the key. Just take the time to read this book and try it Dr. Markham's way. You won't be sorry. Someone in my life saw how I was parenting and thought I was coddling my daughter and worried about the behavior and 2 1/2 years later has admitted that they were wrong and commented how happy I must be how well behaved and delightful she is now. I resisted the need to say "I told you so". It might not work as quickly or have a dramatic effect as quickly as on every child, but it will work to make your child feel more loved and you can't go wrong with that.

The work of Dr Laura accounts for more than 50% of the healthy changes to our parenting! My husband and I are. Parents to three children under five. When we had our first, we committed to attachment parenting... Which in hindsight mostly practiced as baby bonding. As our son/first child turned two and a half we began having f power struggles and we were just lost as to what to do. In the absence of reflection, history repeats itself and we found ourselves parenting the way that we were patented despite our instincts against doing so. I come from a long lineeage of "yellers".. It become quite the norm for me to yell at our elder children. Many times I was just unaware that it was even occurring. Until one day my children were yelling at each other and I ask them to stop! My then four year old son said to me " why should we stop, you yell at us". I was floored to say the least. I enrolled in Dr Thomas Gordon P.E.T. Course initially wanting to just communicate better with my children, but amidst taking the course I discovered that there was a lot of personal work that needed addressing & that's where we found Dr.Laura Markhams works. I can't speak more highly about how her book (& subsequently her 12 week online course for parents) has changed our lives. With practical tools to help myself so that I can use my P.E.T. skills and Dr. Siegels Mindsight to help my children. I've purchased so many copies of this book to give away. Even the audio version I listen to through the day at times just to keep the essence alive. I only wish the audiobook was in Dr Laura's voice. It's so calm and reassuring. Don't miss the chance to alter your love in a powerful way! Love grows here!

The book: good, as expected. Even just after reading the first chapter, I found myself reminded to prioritize the kids, not other seemingly important but not critical things going on. Delivery and conditions: arrived on time, in good condition as seller said. Thanks!

Hands down the best parenting book I have read. Easy to read, lovely to understand and works.

I really wish I would have read this book when my kids were younger. I have two boys 8 and 5 and this book has completely changed my relationship with them. These techniques not only help you build a strong bond and truly connect with your child, but really help you reconsider your own self and issues. I dont understand why we go to school and learn so much but nobody ever teaches people how to be good parents. This book should be obligatory for anyone that has kids. The world would truly be a better and more loving place.

This is the book I needed to read. It's not just another book that says things like: '...Now I am going to tell you about the right ways you should parent you children, etc... . (making me feel even more of a complete failure as parent ...) Dr. Markham advocates compassion and non-judgementalness as a parenting style and she addresses the readers (parents) in the same non-judgmental, compassionate way. I am somebody, who feels chronically guilty about the smallest event. The guilt made me a very stressed-out parent and the stress created distance between me and my child - lately it was just 'getting through the days' - leaving little space for joy. So I looked for some help, support, inspiration and found this book. The connection between parents and children, that this book speaks about is the solution for me (AHA!)! After only one day of connecting again with my child, she became a child that wants to cooperate. The reward for re-connecting to my child, and to life in general is the joy in the house and much reduced stress! The other thing the book has really helped me with, is the idea of 'radical self care'! (love the word!). Thank you, Dr. Laura Markham!

Es de lo mejor que he leído en mi vida! Me gustaría que estuviera en español para regalarla a muchas amigas! Me ha cambiado la vida!!! Soy más paz, tengas más recursos para criar a mis hijos!!!! Gracias mil gracias