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# The Tennis Partner: A Doctor's Story of Friendship and Loss (P.S.)

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The Tennis Partner: A Doctor's Story of Friendship and Loss (P.S.) [Verghese, Abraham] on desertcart.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. The Tennis Partner: A Doctor's Story of Friendship and Loss (P.S.)

Review: A Wonderful Story on the Failure of Recovery Programs - Abraham Verghese's writing connects the reader so firmly with his characters that, upon waking the day after finishing "The Tennis Partner," the reader wants to pick up the phone to find out what his characters have planned for the day. I felt a similar connection to the characters of Verghese's wonderful book, "Cutting for Stone." The secondary theme of "The Tennis Partner" is Verghese's finesse as a doctor of internal medicine, primarily because of his amazing intuitive abilities and emotional intelligence. The stories of his patients and his care for them are educational and heartwarming. But for me, the primary missives of the book were: 1) Deep interpersonal relationships can be incredibly rewarding and help one progress through difficult times (e.g., Verghese's family issues, David's attempts to stay sober). But they can also be very painful, particularly if one's expectations for the other person are unreasonable (see below). 2) No matter how much you love someone, you can't save him/her from himself/herself; and, most important, 3) Addiction recovery programs (Narcotics Anonymous, Alcoholics Anonymous, and the Talbott-Marsh Recovery Center) failed David, not because he didn't attend A.A. or N.A. meetings frequently enough or stay long enough at Talbott-Marsh. They failed, as they have millions of other addicts, because their success criteria are ridiculously irresponsible, applauding only the symptom--the ability to stay sober or off drugs--rather than emotional sobriety--the identification of, and attempt to relinquish (or at least minimize) the toxic beliefs and/or behaviors that led to the addiction. Steps 4 and 10 of AA's Twelve Steps recommend a "personal inventory," and A.A. encourages correction of character defects toward adopting a new way of life. But A.A. members are to accomplish these difficult goals without professional help such as concomitant therapy to treat the root of the addiction (see Scientific American "Does Alcoholics Anonymous work" May 2011). One of A.A.'s Twelve Traditions is "The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking," while a commitment toward attaining emotional sobriety is necessary if the addict wishes to recover completely, to treat his/her loved ones better than he/she did as an addict, as well as to confront and to attempt to slay the beliefs and behaviors that led to the addiction. Complete recovery, however, may never be possible, if the cause for the addiction is years of emotional abuse, as in David's case (see below). The feeling of inadequacy resides as an emotion in the limbic system, which Verghese discusses as the root of his olfactory diagnostic capabilities yet fails to recognize as a dominant driver in David's addiction. David's relapses into drug use were triggered by his deep-seated self-loathing, which never diminished despite frequent attendance at N.A. and A.A. meetings, and months at Talbott-Marsh (I apologize for the non sequitur, but if you google "Talbott-Marsh" you'll find eye-opening accounts of patient abuse at Talbott-Marsh and successful lawsuits against the clinic). Verghese never directly implicates David's parents, though in "The Tennis Partner" Acknowledgements, only thanks David's sisters. It's obvious to the reader, however, from David's phone call to his parents Verghese overhears, the message David received from his parents for decades was that he was just not good enough. David's feelings of inadequacy would likely haunt him for the rest of his life, yet his N.A. sponsor, his friend (Verghese), and the chief of his recovery at Talbott-Marsh expect him to simply reject drugs and become a successful doctor. Verghese's emotionally intelligence with his patients was sorely lacking in his feelings for his dear friend David. Verghese and Talbott vetoed David's dream for emergency medicine and instead recommended internal medicine (the reader wonders whether David begins to feel Verghese is treating him as did his father, e.g., "your dream is not good enough, follow mine") because the adrenaline rush provided by E.R. work is too similar to cocaine, David's drug of choice. Yet thousands of "recovered" addicts have simply switched addictions, from alcohol or drugs to, for example, the endorphins of extreme exercise, or to workaholism. Verghese took personally David's expressed hatred for internal medicine. But it's apparent to the reader that David's psyche required daily affirmations about his abilities, which he'd receive from pulling patients from the brink of death, and that he lacked the patience required by an internist to wait for sometimes weeks until his patient is cured. Verghese couldn't understand that and felt that E.R. medicine would be like "walking out in the middle of a movie." No one other than David can be blamed for his failure at sobriety and for his ultimate suicide. But I wonder, since it's unlikely David could have ever entirely silenced the derogatory broken-record in his brain, if he'd be alive today had he been allowed to become an E.R. physician.
Review: Verghese Amazing - I am glad that I read Cutting For Stone before The Tennis Partner. Cutting For Stone sits on my Best Books shelf to be read again in future years, but it is unlikely that I'll read the The Tennis Partner again. Yet, I recommend it as a very good book. I'll share what I liked and what didn't about The Tennis Partner: Here's what I loved about The Tennis Partner: 1) Vergese is honest and open about his humanity, flaws, achievements and wisdoms that are warmly written about in his job, fatherhood, husband and friendships. 2) After growing up in an addictive family environment and surviving in tact (thanks to wonderful help), Verghese's reaction to his friend David's cocaine addition and it's evolution was really accurate and heartbreaking. As a friend and not doctor,Verghese was ignorant of the addictive emotional qualities such as an addict often destroys everything good and loving or an addict's persuit of sexual conquests ~ all are common characteristics of an addict. The hopes, support and crushing disappointment Verghese experiences with David represents many of us who have loved an addict while getting a painful lesson in letting go. 3)Verghese is a master at scene setting and descriptive writing. I wanted to meet his boys, his first wife and obviously a second wife. In short,Verghese's effective writing ability had me caring for them. Here's what I didn't like: Yes, Verghese is very good at scene setting and plotting a very interesting memoir. BUT, the tennis scenes were too long and I found myself skipping those pages in the latter part of the book. I think the book would have been tighter and a bit shorter had the tennis scenes been selectively condensed. Instead, I would have been more interested in reading about Verghese's reaction and participation in the final two chapters (I don't want to spoil the ending for other readers). While good reading, the last chapters came together very quickly and I missed Verghese when I closed the book.

## Technical Specifications

| Specification | Value |
|---------------|-------|
| Best Sellers Rank | #23,455 in Books ( See Top 100 in Books ) #13 in Educator Biographies #14 in Medical Professional Biographies #776 in Memoirs (Books) |
| Customer Reviews | 4.4 4.4 out of 5 stars (3,116) |
| Dimensions  | 5.31 x 0.83 x 8 inches |
| Edition  | Reissue |
| ISBN-10  | 0062116398 |
| ISBN-13  | 978-0062116390 |
| Item Weight  | 9.6 ounces |
| Language  | English |
| Print length  | 368 pages |
| Publication date  | September 20, 2011 |
| Publisher  | Harper Perennial |

## Images

![The Tennis Partner: A Doctor's Story of Friendship and Loss (P.S.) - Image 1](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/51q7WLFwCVL.jpg)

## Customer Reviews

### ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ A Wonderful Story on the Failure of Recovery Programs
*by B***Y on February 10, 2013*

Abraham Verghese's writing connects the reader so firmly with his characters that, upon waking the day after finishing "The Tennis Partner," the reader wants to pick up the phone to find out what his characters have planned for the day. I felt a similar connection to the characters of Verghese's wonderful book, "Cutting for Stone." The secondary theme of "The Tennis Partner" is Verghese's finesse as a doctor of internal medicine, primarily because of his amazing intuitive abilities and emotional intelligence. The stories of his patients and his care for them are educational and heartwarming. But for me, the primary missives of the book were: 1) Deep interpersonal relationships can be incredibly rewarding and help one progress through difficult times (e.g., Verghese's family issues, David's attempts to stay sober). But they can also be very painful, particularly if one's expectations for the other person are unreasonable (see below). 2) No matter how much you love someone, you can't save him/her from himself/herself; and, most important, 3) Addiction recovery programs (Narcotics Anonymous, Alcoholics Anonymous, and the Talbott-Marsh Recovery Center) failed David, not because he didn't attend A.A. or N.A. meetings frequently enough or stay long enough at Talbott-Marsh. They failed, as they have millions of other addicts, because their success criteria are ridiculously irresponsible, applauding only the symptom--the ability to stay sober or off drugs--rather than emotional sobriety--the identification of, and attempt to relinquish (or at least minimize) the toxic beliefs and/or behaviors that led to the addiction. Steps 4 and 10 of AA's Twelve Steps recommend a "personal inventory," and A.A. encourages correction of character defects toward adopting a new way of life. But A.A. members are to accomplish these difficult goals without professional help such as concomitant therapy to treat the root of the addiction (see Scientific American "Does Alcoholics Anonymous work" May 2011). One of A.A.'s Twelve Traditions is "The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking," while a commitment toward attaining emotional sobriety is necessary if the addict wishes to recover completely, to treat his/her loved ones better than he/she did as an addict, as well as to confront and to attempt to slay the beliefs and behaviors that led to the addiction. Complete recovery, however, may never be possible, if the cause for the addiction is years of emotional abuse, as in David's case (see below). The feeling of inadequacy resides as an emotion in the limbic system, which Verghese discusses as the root of his olfactory diagnostic capabilities yet fails to recognize as a dominant driver in David's addiction. David's relapses into drug use were triggered by his deep-seated self-loathing, which never diminished despite frequent attendance at N.A. and A.A. meetings, and months at Talbott-Marsh (I apologize for the non sequitur, but if you google "Talbott-Marsh" you'll find eye-opening accounts of patient abuse at Talbott-Marsh and successful lawsuits against the clinic). Verghese never directly implicates David's parents, though in "The Tennis Partner" Acknowledgements, only thanks David's sisters. It's obvious to the reader, however, from David's phone call to his parents Verghese overhears, the message David received from his parents for decades was that he was just not good enough. David's feelings of inadequacy would likely haunt him for the rest of his life, yet his N.A. sponsor, his friend (Verghese), and the chief of his recovery at Talbott-Marsh expect him to simply reject drugs and become a successful doctor. Verghese's emotionally intelligence with his patients was sorely lacking in his feelings for his dear friend David. Verghese and Talbott vetoed David's dream for emergency medicine and instead recommended internal medicine (the reader wonders whether David begins to feel Verghese is treating him as did his father, e.g., "your dream is not good enough, follow mine") because the adrenaline rush provided by E.R. work is too similar to cocaine, David's drug of choice. Yet thousands of "recovered" addicts have simply switched addictions, from alcohol or drugs to, for example, the endorphins of extreme exercise, or to workaholism. Verghese took personally David's expressed hatred for internal medicine. But it's apparent to the reader that David's psyche required daily affirmations about his abilities, which he'd receive from pulling patients from the brink of death, and that he lacked the patience required by an internist to wait for sometimes weeks until his patient is cured. Verghese couldn't understand that and felt that E.R. medicine would be like "walking out in the middle of a movie." No one other than David can be blamed for his failure at sobriety and for his ultimate suicide. But I wonder, since it's unlikely David could have ever entirely silenced the derogatory broken-record in his brain, if he'd be alive today had he been allowed to become an E.R. physician.

### ⭐⭐⭐⭐ Verghese Amazing
*by S***N on March 25, 2012*

I am glad that I read Cutting For Stone before The Tennis Partner. Cutting For Stone sits on my Best Books shelf to be read again in future years, but it is unlikely that I'll read the The Tennis Partner again. Yet, I recommend it as a very good book. I'll share what I liked and what didn't about The Tennis Partner: Here's what I loved about The Tennis Partner: 1) Vergese is honest and open about his humanity, flaws, achievements and wisdoms that are warmly written about in his job, fatherhood, husband and friendships. 2) After growing up in an addictive family environment and surviving in tact (thanks to wonderful help), Verghese's reaction to his friend David's cocaine addition and it's evolution was really accurate and heartbreaking. As a friend and not doctor,Verghese was ignorant of the addictive emotional qualities such as an addict often destroys everything good and loving or an addict's persuit of sexual conquests ~ all are common characteristics of an addict. The hopes, support and crushing disappointment Verghese experiences with David represents many of us who have loved an addict while getting a painful lesson in letting go. 3)Verghese is a master at scene setting and descriptive writing. I wanted to meet his boys, his first wife and obviously a second wife. In short,Verghese's effective writing ability had me caring for them. Here's what I didn't like: Yes, Verghese is very good at scene setting and plotting a very interesting memoir. BUT, the tennis scenes were too long and I found myself skipping those pages in the latter part of the book. I think the book would have been tighter and a bit shorter had the tennis scenes been selectively condensed. Instead, I would have been more interested in reading about Verghese's reaction and participation in the final two chapters (I don't want to spoil the ending for other readers). While good reading, the last chapters came together very quickly and I missed Verghese when I closed the book.

### ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Approach with Caution
*by A***N on April 29, 2025*

A beautifully written, and honest, book by a masterful writer. That’s why I give it a 5. The individuals so finely depicted, yet never fully knowable. It wrung tears from me, which I know many readers do not want to experience right now. So, maybe put it on a To Read list for the future.

## Frequently Bought Together

- The Tennis Partner
- Cutting for Stone
- My Own Country: A Doctor's Story

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